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What Changed Your Mind?
Malinda started a very important discussion on what men REALLY think of alopecic women in an earlier discussion. While this is a very informative and enlightening discussion, a thought struck me.
I think a better question for this discussion would be this: For all the men on this site, what was your opinion of bald women BEFORE you either developed alopecia or were exposed to anyone with alopecia? How did you come to terms with what you felt/feel and what society's expectations are?
I think a better question for this discussion would be this: For all the men on this site, what was your opinion of bald women BEFORE you either developed alopecia or were exposed to anyone with alopecia? How did you come to terms with what you felt/feel and what society's expectations are?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Carol on
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It's because of the media's negative perspective on baldness that I don't watch much TV anymore. Other than the fact that there are hundreds of shampoo commercials, you see it in shows too. I remember watching american dad one night and the guy's daughter lost her hair. I almost trashed my TV when he said that his daughter looked like a walking penis! We certainly don't need that! Perhaps we should be putting our energy into writing for the popular shows, especially with the way the writers have been lately! Maybe Survivor or Big Brother could do an alopecia season or Meg from the family guy could develop alopecia and we'll handle this right!
Perhaps some fundraising for alopecia research and awareness that targeted men specifically would be helpful. Like if you got a handful of alopecian women to shave men's heads for a cause or something? Make sure you call the newspaper too. In my community the police (mostly men) shave their heads for cancer all the time - why not alopecia??? Hmmm ..... now I have a reason to chase down those gorgeous firemen. *drools* LOL
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Permalink Reply by Tony on
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I shared this in another post but at the risk of being redundant...my first experience with a woman without hair happened many years ago when a dear friend lost her hair after chemo. To be honest, it was a shock to see her without her hair and in such a state. The long and short of it was if she ever needed me as a friend, that was the time. I soon came to realize that she was still the same person I cared about regardless of outward appearance. I felt shallow, almost guilty afterwards, that I had left myself get caught up in society's view of beauty. Thankfully I grew from the experience...amazing how something so good can come from something so bad.
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Permalink Reply by kastababy on
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Thanks Tony for your valuable output!
The purpose of this question was to get an honest, nonbiased opinion; one that is not colored by the man you have become today; rather, I would like to know what kind of person you were before.
EVERYONE has a defining moment when it comes to alopecia and hair loss in general; we are not just born with the aura of acceptance and understanding. Much like an addict has to hit rock bottom before seeking treatment for his addiction, we all have to have one moment in our lives where we see ourselves for what we really are and the person we would like to become. This is what I am looking for. I recognize that for some this will be a painful soul-searching experience, but forgive my bluntness when I say that I don't want a "rose-colored glasses" -tinted answer here. Sometimes the brutal truth, regardless of who it might offend or hurt, is the best answer you can give.
Anyone up to the challenge?
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Permalink Reply by gerald on
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I have always loved the bald look on beautiful women, ever since I was a boy and saw the first Star Trek movie on tv, with the beautiful bald lady in it. To me she seemed more beautiful than most other women.
I also noticed some women who were fashion models who were bald and beautiful. I noticed some women singers who were bald. Most of them looked beautiful.
Most of the women I dated wore their hair in a short hairstyle, I prefered that and sought that.
When I met my beautiful bald alopecian wife, not only was I attracted to her, but I fell in love with her, and we get along well.
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Permalink Reply by Dorothy on
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I don't know if my input is of any importance, but I sort of freaked my own brother out as in a recent discussion I admitted to him that should anything every happen to my hubby of 35+ yrs, I would be alone for the rest of my life. I would never put myself thru the heart ache of telling a man I did not have any hair and risking the following rejection. I was fortunate that my alopecia did not start until after we were married and he was there for me in every way possible as I tried to adjust to AU. Never once in an argument did he make a negative comment or do or say anything to make me feel worse than I already did. Even with him as a guide, I would never trust a man to accept me like this. I have heard far to many negative comments in the media and other sources to ever risk being hurt like that.
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Permalink Reply by BTB (John) on
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I cant say I had to come to terms with with my wife being bald I just accepted her as having AA. To be honest I thought I would be bothered, I viewed myself as a shallow person as far as looks go. I do not find my wife any less attractive without hair it just never became a problem.
John
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Permalink Reply by WyldCard on
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Well, lets see. I like women regardless of hair length. I see so many women anymore with all sorts of styles, be it long or short. Most women are vain about their hair (guys too obviously). I have only seen a small handful of women with either bald heads or partially shaved (think punk styles).
More often than not, it's how men and women are brought up that begins the trend of how they look at the opposite sex.
You learn from your elders and others that you come to either admire or respect. So if your around narrow views of the world, then more than likely, yours views will be narrow also. It takes something momentous (ie: schools, work, other life experiences) to either rock/shake your views to broaden them. I have seen it in others, even in myself.
The media is THE major factor in how everyone looks at each other. Look at any magazine or most any TV show / movie to see what the ideals are. Unless the person is of ridicule, all you see are "pretty" people. Bald people are mocked and insulted most of the time.
I'm not expecting women to put their wigs away and brave the world (unless they are personally ready). I was lucky to have a mother that taught me to not be so critical of others. Her struggle with diabetes was what inspired me to take the bull by the horns and just lop my wavey locks off and take the razor to myself.
Your question of expectations can swing both ways. I have usually been looked at face on, but since I took the big step, I notice some women tend to look down, away or past me now.
Hopefully you can get more viewpoints from more guys ^_^
-Jay
WyldCard
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Permalink Reply by Mark S. Hansen on
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I am 53, single man, never married, and I have had alopecia totalis for over 40 years. And I have experienced every kind of dergitory gesture, from being beat up when I was in junior high school to a general anti-sociality from others I can think of over the course of my life. The sad fact, however, is that we are both biological and social/cultural creatures. Nature vs nuture, so to speak. And I have always believed that we are 85% social beings. unlike hair color etc, I have never believed that we are born predisposed (biologically) to know what is or is not attractive in this society. This is all learned and taught from the youngest age. Does anyone remember glancing at a National Geographic recently or when you were young and wincing when you looked at some african tribe with big lip rings and/or "beauty" scars under ones skin? Why wince? This is just as beautiful to them, their culture, as a model on any magazine is to us. Despite what we are inside, what is outside, can often make or break us in the eyes of others. And yes the media, advertising, and therefore much of society is to blame for that. To say it is a great unfortunacey and that it is a falacy/flaw of socialized/enculturalized nature, is an understatement, that we all have to live with, alopecian's not withstanding.
Thanks
Mark Hansen thehansen@yahoo.com
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