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What do you do when you see others with Alopecia?
Perhaps I just have my Alopecia radar on these days, but I swear there are more and more people popping up everywhere with Alopecia lately! For the longest time growing up I never knew anyone else that shared the same condition as me. I felt lonely and wished I had someone to relate to.
What I'd like to know is - when you see a stranger with obvious Alopecia (not just thinning hair, but someone who has tell tale smooth patches, or completely void of hair like me) on the street, in a store etc.
Do you ever speak to them?
Do you strike up a conversation with them?
Why do you or why would you not?
What I'd like to know is - when you see a stranger with obvious Alopecia (not just thinning hair, but someone who has tell tale smooth patches, or completely void of hair like me) on the street, in a store etc.
Do you ever speak to them?
Do you strike up a conversation with them?
Why do you or why would you not?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Nicole on
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I struggle with this as well!! The first time I saw a girl with alopecia I was so excited to meet some one else with it that I went right over to her .....(she was not wearing a wig so it was easy for me to tell she had alopecia universallis) and said "do you have alopecia?!?!" She was a little taken back by it and said "yes." I then told her I had alopecia as well and that I was wearing a wig. She told me she had always had very thin hair and alopecia so for her she was use to it but I had just lost my hair so I think my excitment might have been a little overwhelming for her ....she was nice about it but not excited to meet some one else with alopecia. I was ready to make her my best friend..lol...it was nice to meet her but now I am less likely to go over to some one in public and ask....but with my job it's very easy to talk with others about alopcia because they come into talk about having alopecia and needing hair. In public I am always leary about going over and bring up conversation just beacuse I don't want to make any one feel uncomfortable.....that being said if someone with alopecia came up to me in public to talk to me I would be thrilled and more than willing to talk about it! :)
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Permalink Reply by Rachel H. on
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I actually have NOT come across that situation. I probably wouldn't say anything if it were obvious that they were trying to conceal it... I don't want to make them uncomfortable or feel more insecure... but I guess I would invite that opportunity!
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Permalink Reply by Donna Evans on
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I know a girl with no hair at all. She camps at the same place we do in the summer. I never talked to her about it because I had most of my hair at the time. I have not camped since my hair fell out, (So for 2 years.) but I will be going this 4th of July. If she is around I may talk to her if she talks to me first but I'm not comfortable with it. I had a customer at a bank I worked at years ago and his son had spots. He always seemed to be so sad. I wanted to talk to him about it and tell him I had it but for some reason I could never do it. Maybe it's because I was never comfortable talking about it myself so I didn't think I could help him feel better. It's a weird thing to talk about and I'm really kind of shy and it's not like me to approach people that I don't know. If someone talked to me about it first though I would gladly talk to them.
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Permalink Reply by Gina on
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I have never seen any. I would love to see a woman with AU at the mall, I would definitely try to approach her and make conversation, I need an AU friend, someone I can relate to and go hair shopping :-) When i see a woman who's wearing a wig (I can tell most of the time), I inmediately look to see if she has eyelashes and/or eyebrows.
And I also think we alopecians are more than 2% of the population. My mom is a nurse and works for a county walk-in clinic (not dermatologist ), and she tells me they have at least one person everyweek coming in to see the doctor because they have found one or more round patches on their head. Also, everytime I talk to someone about alopecia, they know someone who has the same problem or they had at least heard about it before.
Who knows, sometimes I think we are "evolutioning" and maybe in the future the entire population will be 100% hairless, it makes sense to me and even if it doesn't, I like to think we really don't have a disease, we are just ahead of the game :-)
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Permalink Reply by Billie on
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I would always try to talk the to the other person if they are open to talking. I have only met a few, one in particular was a woman whose 5 year old son had developed AA recently. I noticed his spots at the pool of the apartment complex I lived at (4 years ago). I struck up a conversation with the woman because I wanted her to know that he was not alone and not to be afraid to ask those who may have the same thing and battling it. I also offer any knowledge I have as far as sites, books and doctors. I am myself am pretty open now, especially when approached in a non-demeaning way.
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Permalink Reply by Emma on
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i work with a guy who has definate AA he has half small round patches of baldness and i was a bit taken aback coz like you i also felt like i was the only one with the condition. i did strike up a conversation by asking if he ever fekt like shaving it all off. i of course knew that he knew i also was a sufferer it was after going bald in work on a hot day my wig was sat on my desk.
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Permalink Reply by Lori D. on
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Once I saw a guy who has AU...and it was very public and he was with friends. Anyway, I wanted to say something and just wasn't sure about it. Another time I saw a woman with a scarf and tried to make eye contact, which didn't quite work out. I wear a wig so it isn't obvious that I'm AT. I've always held back a bit because I worry that they may not be in a place where they can or want to be open with a stranger. I do have the wig radar thing going but I don't approach them because I think some people do try to hide it. Come to think of it, I don't really approach strangers WITH hair much either. Must be me.
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Permalink Reply by Steve on
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"Strangers are friends you haven't met yet."
I used to be shy when I was younger. At around 9 years old my parents offered to buy a wig for me. I refused. I told them if it wasn't my hair I didn't want it on my head. Years later my Dad told me that was the day he stopped worrying about me.
Alopecians are people, just like everyone else. That means we have all the same insecurities, foibles and issues that "regular" people have. It very much depends on your emotional state when it comes to meeting new people - be they with hair, or not!
In my experience I've noticed that I can closely relate to how others are feeling about themselves. I learned this because I'm an Alopecian. I've met, in person, three Alopecians so far in this life. One approached me very openly (from half a block away, "HEY! DO YOU HAVE ALOPECIA?!!") Another I was introduced to by his father, and the most recent one was a young man in my own back yard who I just asked.
About a month ago I spotted a woman, close to my age, I think, who was seated at a show in Staten Island. I wanted to go over and say hi, but my wife held me back. Her reasoning being that I couldn't tell if she was sick or not. So I said, if she's sick I can't say hi, either? But I didn't introduce myself because my wife, who I love very much, was uncomfortable with the idea.
So I guess it's a "play it by ear" situation with eveyone you meet, not just us out-going hairless types!! ;)
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Permalink Reply by cruise on
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I just treat people the way I would want to be treated - to be left alone just like any other stranger on the street and not stared at. Its intimidating when people look at you and its best to just let each other blend into the crowd and not be singled out.
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Permalink Reply by Lynn AKA Mom of 2 w/AA on
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My husband has a very good friend who began AA several months ago, and now has progressed to AU. He says he has never had AA before, and is now around 40. He had terrible business troubles beginning about a year ago. He is not trying to get his hair back (using treatments), as he is glad he does not have to shave his face every day! I have a good friend who is 45, and she developed AA last January, after experiencing major stress with her kids. New her hair is all growing back (she uses Roggaine and a cortiosteriod cream). About 18 years ago, I worked with a woman at an insurance company regional office, and she had AA. She only had a few tufts of hair (which barely changed over three years), and never wore a head scarf, wig or hat. She was very good at her job, kind and always dressed very professionally. Only after I asked, did someone say she had a disease that made her lose her hair. She and I had chatted a few times in the ladies' room while washing our hands. In my early 20s, I was very naive, and asked her about her disease and she explained. I don't really remember feeling empathy for anyone until then. She told me that her parents helped her to be strong. She was very accepted by all of us in the work place, and no one ever talked about her behind her back. A few times, I tried to talk her into going to "Happy Hour" with the group, and she replied that was something she wouldn't do. One day, she smiled into the ladies' room mirror and said ~ I haven't had this much hair in a long time! Her tufts were neatly combed together. I smiled back and told her she always looked so pretty. Now, 18 years later, that regional office is closed, and I would never have any way to contact her. Now, both of my kids have AA. How brave she was! Having known her, in some way, eases the worry I have for my children living with AA.
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Also . . . Part II . . . Two women who work at my family dermatologist's office have AA. I met a girl (approximately 25 years old) at the local beauty supply store, who had AT from age four until age 14. Over those years, her mother tried shots, every potion, lotion, etc. Her mother finally got a prescription for Men's Roggaine (back before you could buy it over the counter), and she saturated the girl's scalp every morning and evening for months. It worked! All of her hair grew back and she kept it. Now, as an adult, her mother will tell her when her hair looks thin, and she will again saturate her scalp morning and evening for a few months ~ with the result of a fuller head of hair. She said she had a friend with AU, whose mother applied Roggaine to the scalp, eye brows, and carefully to the eyelash area (with a Q-tip). That girl also got all of her hair back! Both girls kept their hair over the years; the girl with AU had to go for occasional steriod shots, but kept her hair long ~ to her rear end. Now that I think about it, this includes everyone I've ever known with AA.
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