Alopecia World
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Are you good at receiving compliments?
People regularly compliment my fiancee Cheryl, telling her things like she has a beautiful smile and that her "shaved" or bald head really looks good. I've been with her when men as well as women have complimented her in such a manner, and I've never known her to become upset, offended or otherwise put-off as a result of anyone doing so.
Which makes me wonder, how many other women and men in Alopecia World are good at receiving compliments, especially compliments on their "alopecian style?" What kind of compliments feel genuine to you or make you feel comfortable? Do compliments of your alopecic or bald look help you to better cope with having alopecia? What are some specific examples of compliments you don't mind receiving? How did you get to a place where you are comfortable with people complimenting the way your look as an alopecian?
Which makes me wonder, how many other women and men in Alopecia World are good at receiving compliments, especially compliments on their "alopecian style?" What kind of compliments feel genuine to you or make you feel comfortable? Do compliments of your alopecic or bald look help you to better cope with having alopecia? What are some specific examples of compliments you don't mind receiving? How did you get to a place where you are comfortable with people complimenting the way your look as an alopecian?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by kastababy on
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I won't lie, some days I'm more accepting of my alopecia than I am on other days. However, my ability to accept compliments is a constant. Now, compliment me on my brains or my academic achievements, or praise me for how well I do my job, and I eat that up like a starving, malnourished person given a 7-course meal. Compliment me on my looks, however, and immediately I'm looking for the ulterior motive or hidden agenda. I'm totally comfortable with going around bald as an egg and to hell with everyone's opinions. I even poke fun at it myself on occasion. But paradoxically, I have a very difficult time dealing with others who poke fun at it around me, and maybe that is a lingering aftereffect of years of being mercilessly teased about it growing up. So maybe the best answer is that accepting compliments comes in stages -- and it's totally an individual effort as to what stage you've progressed to and will be able to accept.
That, and I don't think anyone, alopecian or not, accepts compliments very easily -- but some become more comfortable with it faster than others.
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Permalink Reply by Mari on
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Trina
I apologize, I must have phrased what I was trying to say wrong. I in no means meant anything about people covering up. I myself wear a wig. I completely agree that everyone has their own style and I believe whole heartedly that we need to. The only point I was trying to make is, from what I could see, that the ability to accept compliments as RJ was asking seemed to be where each individual was in dealing with their form of alopecia. Some of the responses honestly made me want to cry because I remember when I was 17 and so scared and ashamed and wanted no one to know. I took me many years to come to terms with myself and to believe I was worthy of being called pretty and so it hurts me to see or hear others that feel the same way. Sometimes it can be a hard road. So please don't think I was at all criticizing- everyone has to be their own self. Hair, wig, hat, scarf, bald- however. It only makes sense as we are all individuals
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Permalink Reply by Amy on
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I'm new, but want so badly to get involved with this group!
First, I'm like others, I don't like compliments & I've always been that way......even before I encountered AA. I've always been a bit shy, which sometimes comes off as being arrogant. But, to those who truly know me, know that I can be quite a spit fire when I want to be, with sass & attitude.
Of course my close friends & family, especially my husband, always comment or compliment on new growth. But, last night when had my husband shave my head for the first time, he just stopped, halfway through, looked at me & said, "Amy, I think you look more beautiful right now, in this moment than you did the first time I met you or even on our wedding day!" Now that felt good!!!
I did wear a wig, for a short time, when I had my first bout with AA. I was SO self conscious & I truly think that had an effect on how people viewed me. Think: If I'm not comfy & don't feel good, how can I expect someone to think I look great? It's all about the way you present yourself.
I did get compliments on my wig & had several women ask who did my hair! One woman just kept on, asking if I had a card or could call in an appointment for her. I finally told her it wasn't real! Poor woman! She was mortified!
Anyways....
Like I said, I'm fairly new to this, although I was first diagnosed with AA over 10yrs ago. But, up until last night, I had always hidden it with baseball hats or wigs, or the infamous comb over, & never, EVER discussed it with anyone, outside my "inner circle!"
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Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on
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Hi RJ,
When I show people my head tattoos, I get all kinds of comments, pretty much all positive! Mostly, they want to know if it hurt! (it did). When I take off my hair, many people tell me that I look 'striking' or that I have a nice shaped head! I never mind a compliment. At my age, I'll take one when I can get one!
Debbi Fuller
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Permalink Reply by sharon on
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i think im ok at recieve n complliments some times i think yes u meght think im beautifull but u ain1t seen me wiv out my wig some times i agree wiv the compliment and it does make me feel good i suppose its depends on what mood im in but i think that is for most women we all have good days and bad days . oh and men i dont want to be sexest lol . im pretty confident and can come across as more confident than i am i really don1t take no crap from no one i came to terms long time ago with my self u have to because u only got one life and u gotta live it regardless of who or what u are i don1t t want to get old and think oh i wish i did this or that but i couldent cos i have alopicia or i wear a wig . so yes i can accept compliments now and i can most of the time believe them to be true
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