Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Megan Willmott on August 10, 2009 at 8:50am

i've had alopecia areata all my life now Bethany, so i'm not entirely sure what you're going through becuase i'm so used to it. I'm also 16 so i no how tough life is at this stage! As danielle said, it's fine for you to feel like that but trust me, it's not as bad as it seems.. you will get used to it and eventually stop feeling depressed.
Talk to your parents and really really good friends that you can trust, because they can help you in every way possible. my parents have been amazing through the whole of it. you could look into getting a wig, they are great!
having AA has alot of positives ;) trust me.
Hope it helps... feel free to chat to me, would love to speak to you.
Megan x

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Permalink Reply by Mary on August 10, 2009 at 10:41am

Bethany, I can't tell you what to do, but I can share with you that I felt the same way when my hair started coming out. I got really depressed and I was always checking the mirror and crying when I picked up more hair off the floor every day. When I finally shaved my hair off (see pics on my page of the night before), I immediately felt in control of my life again, and was much less depressed and I stopped crying.

Take care and please stay in touch with Alopecia World. You're not alone.

Mary

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Permalink Reply by Sharon Stokes on August 10, 2009 at 10:54am

Bethany-
I don't think anyone of us can tell you what to do about your living situation. Do you have a trusted relative (aunt, older cousin, etc.) you can discuss this with? Perhaps a teacher or counselor at school?
I do want to address your alopecia situation. What I have learned after 9 years of living with this (I'm a high school teacher facing folks like you every day!) is that YOUR SITUATION IS YOURS. Don't compare it -"it could be worse". etc. You need to come to grips with your alopecia - even if it is a small spot, it is out of the ordinary.
Have you talked this over with your doctor? With anyone?

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Permalink Reply by Skin on August 10, 2009 at 6:38pm

Hi Bethany. I really sympathise with your situation & I guess I was about your age when I got AU. Y'know what... the best thing I ever did was to shave off the remainder of my hair. It is so liberating & I've been at one with AU ever since. One more thing... You WON'T regret it, I promise. - All the best mate. - Skin.

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Permalink Reply by Donna Alfieri on August 10, 2009 at 7:08pm

Hello, Bethany I am sorry that you have to deal with this. It is best, ( I know very hard) to try to ignore the hair loss. I do not mean that you can't have feelings of depression, sadness, or anger. I only mean that dwelling, and dwelling on it won't make it or you better. Stress can make it worse,but even being stress free won't stop the hair loss. Do not shave your head unless you lose a great deal more hair. Wigs now aday are really great. When I wear one almost know one knows that I am wearing a wig. You would be surprised how many people wear wigs. This site should help you connect to girls and boys with the same problem. They have the same feels as you do. Perhaps someone lives near you, and you could connect, new friends with the same problems would be great for you. Your really good friends will accept and help you if you let them. You must set the scene by being accepting of your self. If you like yourself, others will too. If you don't, others will find it hard to like you too. Maybe you should talk to your father about everything and see what happens.

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Permalink Reply by Alexandra on August 10, 2009 at 10:13pm

Bethany,
WOW, I can't begin to describe how much you and I are in the same situation right now. Emotionally unstable mothers, stressful home life, debating whether or not to shave, and considering living with dad. I'm right there with you on all of that!
I have female pattern baldness rather than areata, but I still get those feelings of sadness and confusion over what to do too. I know how hard it is. And trust me when I say I know how much WORSE it can be made by living with an unstable mother. If you read some of my past blog entries, you'll see in detail all the crap my mother has put me through and the awful things she's said to me. Living with her is like hell on earth for me. And then I moved into a dorm last year, and life just felt so much better. I felt so much more free and at peace with myself. You might want to seriously consider staying with your dad for a bit, if he's stable. It won't necessarily do anything about your alopecia, but it WILL most likely rid you of the stress your mother is giving you. You need to give yourself space and time to come to terms with your condition and who you are as a person, and that's not going to happen when your home life is so hectic and your mother is giving you so much stress.

I know that living with an emotionally unstable mother can make you feel like you're being sucked into a black hole of stress and unhappiness. Getting out and away from it is one of the best things you can do for yourself. My mother has OCD and depression (and is very high strung, on top of that). She does absolutely nothing to try to gain control over herself. Rather, she enables herself and allows herself to drag everyone down with her. It's very selfish of her.
What you need to remember though is that your mother's problems are HER problems. Not yours! I know it can be very hard to separate yourself from your mother's identity, but it can be done. Seeing a counselor might help (it helped me). Once you rid yourself of the unnecessary burdens, you will feel much more relaxed - like breathing in fresh air.
If ever you need someone to talk to, you can always come to me. I'd be happy to listen or offer advice. =)

Alexandra

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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on August 10, 2009 at 10:59pm

I know it is really hard to figure out which comes first: chicken or egg? Alopecia or stress?

But getting away from a likely source of stress is a great experiment for anyone. I kept busy summers with camp friends and letter-writing during high school, then started staying at campus Spring and Summer Semesters during college, so that I was weaning myself away from the stress at home. By 21, I moved several thousand miles away and started my new life. But you know what? My hair grew in during the college years! And during my twenties! So, be your own Dr. You, and consider the experiment, at least for awhile, of living at Dad's. I called my move "therapy."

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Permalink Reply by Christine on August 11, 2009 at 6:07pm

Dear Bethany,
Honey the way your feeling is normal, it sounds like you have a lot going on in your life that has nothing to do with AA, when you add Alopecia to the mix, well it can just be too much. I was mid-life when I first developed my AA, and since then I've gone through several periods of shedding, and regrowth, I can tell you that I probably feel a lot of the same things you've felt along the way, I notice the hair coming out too, and I feel a bit helpless, when there are things outside of our control we don't like it, unfortunately that's human nature. At 16 a lot of your life is not within your control, and it shouldn't be, you should be able to be a kid still, and not shoulder the heavy things you are at your age......trust me you have lots of time ahead of you where you get to be in charge (whether you like it or not) If your Mom is truly unstable, and your Dad is the stronger parent right now than talk to him, tell him how you feel, allow him to help you with this difficult decision. Do you have a pastor or another adult that you can trust? Sometimes youth pastors are great resources for support, and they offer a way to peace in the midst of this huge trial. I have helped with the youth group at our own church and I can tell you there are a lot of kids hurting out there, sometimes it helps to know that your not alone. I know that's why this group helps me so much. Hon, it's easy to say try not to stress over your hair, I know that's not easy. I hope your feeling better. Please keep posting so I will know how you are getting on. ((HUGS)) Christine

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Permalink Reply by Dee Connelly on August 11, 2009 at 10:12pm

Hi Bethany, Hang in there I think you should ask your Mom or Dad to take you to a qualified Dermatologist that discuss some possible treatments that might work for you. The one that work for me when I was younger was Cortisone injections shots, I lost all my hair around 12 years old and then it all come back. Then as a got older it came out again. This treatment could work for you. I think you should be with the parent where you feel the less stressed. In some states a child at the age of 12 can legally decided which parents she wants to live with. You probably would have to contact Social Services or some legal adviser about this. I hope this helps!

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