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Difficult moment
Hi Everyone, I had something happen yesterday at work that shook me up. I was standing at the desk, getting report from the person going off shift, there were a lot of coworkers and just people all around, one of the other workers from a differentt department (I had seen her but didn't know her) who was standing behind me reached up and scrunched the back of my hair a few times. I have Ophiasis pattern, so have no hair underneath, and because I've been losing in spots above, I'm pretty self-concious right now, my reaction was horror! Because quite a few people I work with know of my condition, I was able to ask one of them to step into a room and check my hair. I'm happy that my hair is not noticable I work really hard to style it and lots of hair spray to keep it covered. I actually teared up, and was thankful for the coworkers who gave me hugs and got me through, so glad I work in a hospital, a bit more compassion there I think. anyways, I spoke with the person who did it and appologized for my reaction, and explained to her that I have Alopecia Areata, I asked her if she knew what that was and she said "I think so" I told her its medical hair loss. I guess that I'm thankful that I was able to pull myself together, I know it may have sounded like a overreaction, but so far I've had struggles with the wind, and covering, glad I'm going a good job of it. I guess that I have lost so much this time and feeling like it's a losing battle right now. Has anyone else had a similar experience? How did you handle it?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Ktownnana on
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I've never had anyone actually scrunch my wig, but I think it took a lot of nerve for her to do this whether it be your real hair or a wig. I have had people ask me who styles my hair even complete strangers. Deep down sometimes I think are they wondering if it is a wig and see what my reaction would be or is it really a compliment. I think you handled your situation very well.
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Permalink Reply by Christine on
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Thank you Ktownnanna, I do think she just didn't know what she was doing, but even before AA, I would not want someone messing up my hair,lol. I've thought about the comments on my hair too, wondering if people may notice something different about my hair, I do get many compliments on my hair style, and I'm so thankful. When my hair is doing really good, and almost grows back, I've actually said "you don't know what that means to me, thank you" and truly these people don't know what it means to someone like us. I am not wearing a wig, but big fear that someone would touch it is very real. I wonder deep down too, if it's curiosity. I guess with AA we do have more compassion for others situations, I would never touch a strangers hair like that either. How do you like your wig? I'm almost there myself, I've lost mostly underneath but have many spots right now in the upper areas as well, feeling kinda down, really tough to make big decision to shave and go with a wig, or wait it out some more.
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Permalink Reply by Norm on
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Hiya Christine.... I think I know where you went wrong - you got out of sync when it came to the apologizing. Y'see, it should have been HER saying sorry to YOU! I always thought manners dictated that you don't touch strangers, except for maybe placing a hand on a shoulder or elbow to get someone's attention. You certainly don't touch someone in a sensitive area (and I don't mean "California" or similar)!
You seem to have handled it really well.... back in the '70's, some people seemed to think my bald head was a public space, open for games and other amusements. So if they decided to slap my head (and quite a few did - oh how I laughed... not), I'd slap their hands away quite violently, and if I was sitting down, stand up and stare at them aggressively.... always seemed to work! :)I suppose what all this proves is that there are stupid people everywhere.... you just gotta stand up to them!
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Permalink Reply by Jennifer on
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That is not an overreaction on your part. That colleague was out of line touching any part of you without asking for and receiving your permission. Whether you have hair loss or not, that's unacceptable and I think anyone would be upset by this. (and I just noticed that this is an older post, but I'll leave my comment anyway. I hope things have improved, and I'm impressed that you spoke to this person when it happened.)
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Permalink Reply by Serene on
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I completely understand what you went through. I am a director at a spa and part of the job is actually receiving the services and I always tell them don't massage my scalp but one time they stretched my neck out and I swear they were going to pull my wig off and I was so tense that I just wanted the whole thing to end. I haven't had a facial yet and I know they will be able to tell that I have a wig on because of the hairline. I usually just tell them I have extensions which seems to get way less reactions.
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Permalink Reply by MissFifi on
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I think you handled yourself so well, not an over reaction in the least, very measured response and straightforward, bravo! And she should be apologetic for touching your hair like that, even though I'm sure she thought nothing at the time. I've had various types of experiences like that, with my hair or a wig, and I freeze up, so well done you for having that discussion, it's a hard one!
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Permalink Reply by Melissa on
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I had a few experiences like this when I use to wear wigs. In high school a group of girls came up and started pawing my hair because they were suspicious of whether or not it was authentic. The second time it happened, I was at a bar with a couple of friends and one of my friends reached over to give me an affectionate rub on my head and pulled my wig back. I was wearing wig tape but was sweating so bad that the tape came loose. Yep, instant embarrassment. I stopped bothering with wigs a few years back because I find them uncomfortable, expensive and there is always the worry that these situations might occur again. I wear scarfs and am very open about what my condition is. I do understand how you feel. I have gone into instant panic and worry when people used to touch my head. Now, I would kindly ask people to keep their hands to themselves, whatever their reason is for putting them on me. It's different with people you are close with. Even my daughter knows not to play with my scarf or hat when we are in public and that we can discuss my hair issues in private rather than in the middle of a grocery store. When anyone touches you without your permission, especially a colleague, it is both unacceptable and unprofessional. Shame on her.
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Hi all, it's been some time since I wrote this post, and have since lost all my hair and now wear a wig full time, funny now I'm worried about people touching my hair because I think they will know its a wig, even tho the hair is human and lovely I'm afraid they will feel the cap part...Amiee, when she touched it she was saying at the same time "your hair is so cute" No I don't think that she was doing is meant in a mean way, because when I looked at her the shock on her face was real, she had no idea. I have actually had another coworker who may not know about my Alopecia just kinda flick the back of my hair a bit and tell me she really liked my hair cut. I feel like I'm super sensitive about hair now, not just because of this but I feel like everyone talks about their hair, did they always? It seems like everyday at work someone is talking about a new color or cut, shampoos ect. I'm I crazy or do you all notice this too? I guess that before I lost my hair I did not notice, I now notice all the comercials and ads for hair too, sometimes I find myself in a store or church and looking at everyone and except for a few men everyone has hair it seems but me. I know of course that this is not true, but it a world full of hair you can feel a bit alone at times.
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Permalink Reply by buddhaz on
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hi christine. when i was 16 i started off getting ophiasis, around my whole head. i guess it didnt really effect me that much because i had a bullcut so it was like my hair was shaved on the bottom with the hair hanging over.... anyways, after a while it didnt grow back and my mom and I started worrying so i went and saw a dermatologist,,, who prescribed me fluocinonide gel...which i used twice a day, i dont remember for how long but eventually it all grew back... and I had severe ophiases, so dont feel like its a losing battle, just take day by day and do ur treatment and forget about the problem as much as u can.. stress will just put u down and efffect your immune system even more... I hope your hair grows back soon!!!
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Hi buddhaz, I did try a strong topical steroid but had problem with it so had to stop using, it didn't seem to be helping during the period that I used it tho i can't say for sure, because my Ophiasis pattern regrew several times over a ten year span. I really had it all around my head for some time before I began losing spots in the upper parts of my hair too, soon the only hair that grew in were the strange white hairs and they now persist over my entire head, they are sparse so I don't think I could grow them in and just have pure white hair or I'd do that, I buzz my hair off now, and don't know if it could ever return as normal bio hair again, after I shaved my head it took very little time before all my bio hair was gone. I do still hope tho because AA is so unpredictable who knows right? I tell myself there are so much more difficult and painful autoimmune conditions if I have to have one this one only hurts imotionally, but I'm getting stronger as time passes. Thanks for your encouragement, I'm happy that your hair grew back:)
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