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Does it ever get easier?
I'm 22 years old, I've had all stages of alopecia since I was 9. I'm completely bald, no body hair, no eyelashes, eyebrows or anything. It's amazing that I'm still standing. I've wanted to give up many times. Growing up with alopecia was horrible. I didn't know how to make friends (still don't). I would go home everyday crying because I want to be normal. I still wake up & wish I could magically be normal. I've tried every treatment possible & I guess I wasn't meant to be normal. I'm in a serious relationship (talks of marriage & moving in) & I'm afraid. I've never allowed anyone to see me without something on my head. Does it ever get easier? I'm tired of worrying what other people think. I'm tired of stares, and questions. I used to want to be a teacher but now I'm afraid of the children asking me questions. Is there anyone who can help me through this? Suggestions?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Bald Girl on
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Oh... I just remembered another....we save so much money on Shampoo and conditioner.
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Permalink Reply by Dorothy G. on
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I don't have to worry about head lice (I work in an elementary school)
Quick showers
No wet chlorine smelling hair after swimming
Not having to get grey or thinning hair as a I age
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I'm much older than you and have learned a lot along the way. You're ahead of the game if you've allowed yourself to be in a serious relationship. I'm not clear if you've allowed your boyfriend or girlfriend to see you without something on your head. I hope you have. I think changing your goal from "wanting to be normal" to wanting to accept being an alopecian might help, otherwise you'll be striving for something unrealistic. If you go through life feeling the only solution is to have hair, you will continue to let your baldness rule. It's hard enough not to have the hair you want, but to deprive yourself of the career, friends and life you want gives all the power to the condition. I have seen pictures in the NY Times and other papers of bald women in various jobs. The articles featuring them were not about alopecia,which was mentioned in the article only as an aside. Attitude trumps all else. It's hard, but try to change the negative tape loops in your head. Self-acceptance, which doesn't come easily, is the best cure.
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Permalink Reply by Brenna on
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YES! it gets easier! I had various stages of alopecia areata my whole life, then lost everything at 27. Now, 11 years later, I can't imagine life without the blessings I've gained from being bald. I recently wrote an essay about it - if you're interested to read about the journey, its at http://cedarmoon.us/baldnbold.html.
best of luck!
brennaps some of the things I love about being bald (in reply to the post above)
1) I never get lice!
2) I dry really quick
3) no bad hair days
4) best headrubs ever
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Hi Brenna!
I so loved your piece and I really identify, completely. Being bald has moved me too to confront so many aspects of myself & many of my issues: letting go, the loss of control just to name two. I now experience my baldness as an opportunity to "go deeper" and my journey is so much richer with Alopecia in my life...
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Thank you for sharing and your essay was simply the most honest and well written journey expressed. You are an amazing person. I hope my daughter can learn from you and express her alopecia I the same manner!
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Permalink Reply by Sherry Washington on
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Hello Kelsey the hardest part is accepting you. Until you accept you, no one else will. Remember you are beautiful and everything the Lord made was perfect!! So you are normal. Each and everyone of us is unique in our own way. Some heavily plump, some too skinny, face disfigured, and etc. I recently became bald after having a head full of hair in 2006, and it's truly something to go through when you are use to throwing a ponytail in your hair or making your hair your art work, then going to no hair. Trust me if I did it, YOU definitely can Do It!! You've been bald or battling with hair loss for thirteen years it should be easier for you by now, but it cannot because you haven't accepted yourself. At first I was real weak, but now I am very strong!! I got this way after dealing with it for eighteen months. Lean on Jesus and he will bring you through it; he said he doesn't put no more on us than we can bear so trust he believe you are strong enough to handle it. You could easy be one of those soldiers coming back from Afghanastan with limbs missing, but guess what?? They choose to live and have gone on with their life. So let's get started and stop thinking you aren't normal; hold your bald head up high and get the stepping!! If you're a fashionista, put on some long dangling earrings and become the latest bald headed model when you step out. Trust me, you will always be remembered. Many blessings unto you!! I hope this helps.
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Permalink Reply by Dorothy on
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It does .... it doesn't ... it all depends on you. People who tell you go see a therapist, people who tell you not. Really, ok here is how I see it. I have had AU for over 40 years now. Do I wish that God would say, enough let her be normal again and one day I will wake and notice my eye lashes and brows started to regrow and the next week my hair, but the reality is I have to accept what is today. I lost my husband of who went thru all this with me when my hair started coming out, so for me to even think of being with another man, nope not going to happen because for me it would not be EASY ever to remove this wig I wear in front of another man. Getting used to the differences of my body to those around me, no it is not easy and it took forever for me NOT to cry every time a shampoo commercial came on the TV. Eventually the sting becomes less so, but some hurts just plain hurt. The heart will always want to be "normal". Anyone who says they do not are lying to you and to themselves. I have my good days and my bad days, when my husband was alive I can truthfully say I settled into a more mellow idea of who I am with AU, but now with him gone for these 2 1/2 years, all my old fears and lack of self confidence when it comes to AU have come flooding back. Does it get easier? You think it does, and maybe for some it does, then life happens and it just might be hard again, so the best advice I can give is be prepared for easy and hard.
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No it doesn't. I've tried all the self improvement crap. Postive thinking, making good grades, lifting weights. It didnt't help. I doubt I'll ever be happy with how I look or ever have a healthy self esteem.
Like you, I never learned to connect with people and make friends. Even now that I'm older I only have like 2 friends. I've never really had any girls attracted to me or show much interest. I've never had a girlfriend or anything like that and I know the main cause of that is my bald head.
women at my age are simply aren't attracted to bald guys. Especially lanky teenagers. no it doesn't get better.
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Kelsey, I am 44, a teacher-4th grade and have had alopecia, all stages since I was 5. Luckily all of my hair did not fall out until my second child.at 27 I do understand your fears and pains. I wear a wig, mainly because it makes me m0re confident in myself. Once I had a student ask if I wore a wig and I lied and said no. That is such a big old can of worms I didn't want to open. my colleagues know, for just in case anything weird happens. I have lived a pretty normal life, except that I always feel like I am hiding this secret. It's not that I care what people think it is the look of sympathy people would give to me when my hair was falling out..like I was a cancer patient. anyway long story, it gets easier to deal with, but never completely. The only consolation I have for myself is that this is something I have no control over like evry other disorder people have and it truly could be worse. It has made me a much more thankful person for all those little things I do have. there are groups that meet in some areas and that might be helpful. I have discovered with sharing with my friends comes so much relief. I know you said you don't know how to make friends, but in your mind "be normal" you don't have to greet people with the hello I have alopecia..but make friends, and then share with them.join a book club, Women are the most understanding people I know. no matter what age we all want to nurture and you would be surprised how accepting people are...men and women. Please don't give up and realize the normal people are the boring people. we are unique in this one horrible aspect of our lives, but still it is what we have not who we are..do not let it define you. Good Luck
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