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My daughter is two and half and has several large spots on the top of her head and on the left side of her head. I make her wear hats when we are outside to protect her head, but I feel like I am constantly telling her to put her hat back on. I don't want her to think that I am trying to cover her spots (which I have had my mother tell me is what she is going to think), I am trying to keep her head from being burnt and this winter, warm. I am afraid that she is going to think that I am embarrassed of her or something. Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions on how to handle this? I can apply sunscreen to the larger spots, but she has places that are just very thin and I would rather she wear a hat than look like she has oily/unkempt hair. Am I wrong for thinking this way? Ugh, I just need some thoughts, please!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by BaldGirlsDoLunch.org on
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There are plenty of sunscreens that are effective but not oily. Neuutrogena comes to mind, or one of the higher end cosmetic lines with added spf.
Give her a daily "limited" menu of choices so she has a say in it; but make it a selection of two where you set and approve of all the options:
One day: will it be scarf or hat today? Another day: The red hat or the pink hat? Another day make it the pink tube sunscreen or the one with the frog on it. No matter what she chooses of the two options each day, you're protecting her and she's having a say.
It's going to go with her personality anyway. Either she likes the same thing over and over or she wants something different each time, so go with her flow.
Thea
join our list at baldgirlsdolunch.org
PS My favorite classic of all time by Faber and Mazlish is "How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk." I've even suggested it to friends/couples who never had kids and need to learn how to communicate better.
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Permalink Reply by Pradha on
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My daughter's hair has a diffuse thinning thing going on & we live in Okinawa where it almost always sunny, so I completely understand this issue. I've been using Bullfrog Marathon Mist sunblock. It is a "non-greasy" formula and because it comes in a spray, I am able to lift her hair in sections & just spray the scalp :)
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Permalink Reply by Chris Jeffer on
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At the risk of being controversial, I am afraid I have to go with your mother. We are usually imposing our own anxieties on to our kids (I hear myself doing it all the time). You are trying to protect her feelings (of being stared at, blamed or ridiculed), not just the elements, which is perfectly normal and instinctual so don't feel bad.
If an adult remarks on her patches you can politely say your daughter has an autoimmune disorder that is currently being addressed and leave it at that. Other children may ask or make remarks, but if you give them a matter-of-fact honest, answer, they will accept it and get on with things. Toddlers are very accepting and non judgemental of the world in front of them - many adults could learn from watching the way they interact with one another.
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Permalink Reply by Heather L on
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Hello Stacey and Sabree!
I understand you mother's concern and also get you can't let your daughter's scalp burn! I think as long as you are clear each time you cover her head that is it to protect her head from the sun- she will get that. I like Thea's idea of mixing up the hats and letting her help pick -- hopefully that will be fun for her.
Also just another sunscreen option: Banana Boat has a sunscreen called "Sport Performance sunscreen body & scalp" ( SPF 30) I only use it when I'm at the beach- and I like it. I don't think my hair looks greasy with it... maybe a little heavy/flat. It is a spray so it is easy to put on and to use where she does just have thinner hair.
Good luck!!
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Permalink Reply by Stacey and Sabree on
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Just to let you know, I do not FORCE her to wear her hat in doors (or even outside for that matter). And it seems to me that if I had let her go outside without a hat, someone here would feel the need to gripe at me about NOT making her wear a hat. So its a lose/lose, gripe/gripe, pick/pick situation. So yeah, this is why I don't do online groups -- you ask for support and that is rarely what you find.
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Permalink Reply by Dominique Cleopatra on
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Don't worry Stacey this is actually a very supportive group, but we tell it like it is—at least how we each individually see it based on our own backgrounds and ideas— If someone's opinions don't resonate with you then pay them no mind and move on, but stick around for a while. We're not that bad ; )
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Permalink Reply by Seadra on
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Stacey, please give AW another chance, there really is a ton of care and support to be found here, and negativity stays at a minimum. Sometimes honesty turns out to be so beneficial in hindsight, although it seems harsh at the time. We are all dealing with the same plight in the end, that's why we are here! We all find our own ways to cope, and people want to share what works. I wish all the best for you and your sweet little girl.
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Family members are notorious for meaning well. Doesn't matter if it's alopecia or where to spend your vacation.
In alopecia as in all things, attribute family interventions to their motives (conscious or subconscious) which are probably predictable across many issues, alopecia being just one. I know first hand the vulnerability of not being sure what to do and looking to family for what we assume is better/wizened guidance. But often, they don't know what's best better than us. Yet at some moments of insecurity, we just feel they might.
Sometimes all it takes is to remember, "I know you mean well, but........" Follow your instincts with your child. you know her best.
thea
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Stacey, So sorry you got such a negative response to your post. This is supposed to be a supportive forum. Try to keep in mind that when people respond, they tend to bring their own issues to the table. The fact that you are consciously aware of NOT making your child feel as if you are embarrassed by her hair, or lack there of ;) the fact that you pay attention to things like sun protection (which is by no means, baloney) and even reaching out to this online community for support shows that you are doing your job as a parent. Keep up the good work, your little girl is beautiful & she is loved by an attentive mother, she can't help but grow up confident & strong.
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Permalink Reply by Tami & Taryn on
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Susan,
As a mother of a bald little girl, I want to say Thank YOU!!! I need more people like you around to encourage and guide. I want to teach my little girl to be proud of who she is, and not focus on her physical appearance. I am like you and have been told I am too honest and have been critized for that. As someone has said, the truth hurts and although we may not embrace it at first, the words stay in our heads. I plan on reading and re-reading your posts to hold on to the words of knowledge from a first hand perspective. Thank you!
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Permalink Reply by Marte Carlson on
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I have to agree also. I have went through the more me, poor Maliya stage and then my husband slapped me upside the head (not literally) and said she is NOT DYING.....she just doesnt have hair. I was mad at him for even saying that because I cant even imagine my little girl going to prom bald, getting married bald....it breaks my heart. But I see this cancer kids that are sick and the pain, and hurt that they are going threw just about kills me. Oh am I THANKFUL for ALOPECIA!!!! We have bought cute little hats, bandanas, bows and tons of stuff......and guess what???? SHE WONT WEAR ANY!!! So she just goes about with her little bald self and absolutly LOVES LIFE! She recently started getting some patches that are growing back and the first thing she said is....shave my baby bird hair........I like my bald head!!! The girls is amazing!! Punches are going to be constantly thrown at you and I say pick them up and punch back. People ask me if Maliya has cancer and I say "Thank God....NO.....She has alopecia......she is essentially allergic to her hair" They are acctually happy to hear that. I have bought super cute shirts off cafepress.com and she loves to wear them. If you dont make it a big deal, neither will she. Have fun with her and thank God everyday that she is healthy!!!
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Permalink Reply by Michelle & Kyra on
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Hello Stacey and Sabree,
I have an 11 yr old daughter who first developed alopecia when she was 8. When Kyra was your daughters age I would make her wear a hat outside most of the time for sun protection and in winter for warmth(we live in Canada) and she did not have alopecia yet. Personally I do not think it is strange that you want your 2yr old to wear a hat outside ( alopecia or not ). The suggestion about letting her choose which hat or scarf is great. I would let your daughter know that hats are needed for outside and that she can take it off when indoors at home, the mall, indoor pool etc. I think that will show her that you are not embarrassed about her spots but that you feel a hat is needed when outdoors only. Since kids do not always follow instructions I think you may end up needing suscreen as well ,if it is a very sunny day so you may need to try a few to see what you like best.By the way your daughter is a real cutie.Cheers Michelle
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