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Friend laughing
I finally got the courage to tell my best friend about my FFA and that I might end up losing all my hair. I was absolutely devastated..she started laughing uncontrollably about the possibility of me being bald. I feel so betrayed. I didn't tell her how that made me feel and I don't want to lose her friendship but I don't have any idea of how to handle this. Advice and hugs would be appreciated.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by LaShay on
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I am still trying to figure out how to purchase a custom wig. What do you mean by mono in the back? Is silk better than lace? And what about thin skin? I'm overwhelmed by all the decisions that need to be made before you arrive at the final product. Density, curl pattern, colors, bleached knots, caps...aaaaggghhh! Sorry. I've been watching YouTube videos all day and I've only learned a little.
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Permalink Reply by Benny Nardini on
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I told my best friend about my alopecia...because she thought i had cut my heir...!!!
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Permalink Reply by Dorothy on
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I know you said she was such a good friend, but I don't see it, she laughed. Me personally even if she tells you she is sorry, I would never trust her as a deep personal friend again. That is just the way I am, once the trust is broken it is hard to repair. You really have to look in your own heart and decide how much you can take, how much you are willing to forgive. I would tell her just how much she hurt you when she laughed, you were sharing a very deep and personal life issue with her, no less personal than if you told her you had been diagnosed with cancer and she thought it was funny!!!! Odd and disheartening to me to say the least, but it is your final decision and your trust she has broken. Tread carefully and think hard. I would say tho if you decide not to be best friends, do this kindly, in the future you may wish you had.
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Permalink Reply by kastababy on
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I don't think she was laughing to be mean or to be funny...I think that kind of uncontrollable laughter may have been the first emotional reaction that surfaced for her - almost a hysterics-type response. All too often, we alopecians have a tendency to be HYPERsensitive to the emotional reactions of others, without once stopping to consider that what we experience may be just as difficult for *THEM* to process as it is for *YOU* to experience.
Rather than blow up at your friend, I advise stepping back for a moment and considering the news you delivered from her point of view. If your best friend is anything like mine, she is acutely aware that as much as she would like to fix this for you, she can't. She can't tell you "everything will be alright", because the reality is that it may not be, and to say that comes across as very patronizing. She probably doesn't want to cry with you, because she feels that her job is to be strong for you. She may even have some personal issues going on that she may have wanted to share with you, but she forced onto the back burner so that she could focus on being your friend. All that emotion builds up. So what does someone do with that swell of emotion? It has to be released somewhere, somehow - so out comes the laughter.
I say this to make this point: It took me 31 years and the loss of precious friendships that in hindsight I couldn't afford to lose along the way to realize that when someone laughs at my bald head, the intent behind it is not always or necessarily harmful, malicious, or offensive - and that the world does not revolve around me or my alopecia. Friendship is fragile, yet it is very much a give-and-take relationship - you get out of it what you give to it. If your relationship with your friend is that important, my advice is to have a frank, honest talk with her about it. You might just be surprised to find out that her laughter was an emotional response that she was unaware of - and is probably just as anxious to resolve as you are.
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Permalink Reply by Tuesday on
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I would have been hurt too however, I guess, now that I've had AU for some time and experienced a vast variety of experiences, I'd assess this friend's reaction and consider how is the rest of your relationship. I have had people, yes, react in hurtful manners but often it's nervousness or also, just plain ignorance. For some reason, there are a lot of basically decent people on the planet who don't understand that having one's hair completely fall out along with lashes and brows can be devastating.
I actually recall when I developed my first bald spot and visited a friend and we viewed the NAAF website and I started crying at the sight of bald people (keep in mind I've been bald since 2000 as I write) and my friend started laughing. Yes, we'd not ever really seen a hairless person and the images seemed a bit odd and distant. I couldn't imagine being bald and my friend couldn't imagine it either - seemed nonsensical.
Now, I, of course, am super biased and think bald people are awesome! But the first reaction to something different was a variety of emotions, not all appropriate!
So, perhaps your friend will wise up and mature as time progresses?
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Permalink Reply by Cindie on
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She is NOT A FRIEND! Friends don't mock friends! Hugs, Hugs, and Hugs to YOU. And a giant middle finger to this so-called "friend."
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Permalink Reply by Nicole on
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That's harsh! Nervous or not she should not have laughed. I get a lot of "are you serious?!?" but never laughing. Its NOT FUNNY!
As a note, my best friend went out and bought me a bunch of hats the day I told her. She then offered to shave her head with me. Now thats a true friend!
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Permalink Reply by Sierra D on
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I think your friend probably thought you were joking when you told her. (Not that I know her or her personality.) I have told people in the past and their first reaction was "Oh cool! I'd love to be like that and get to wear a wig every day!" Umm.... No. lol. They can't possibly grasp the reality of the situation. Human nature is to be selfish enough to not actually see the reality in what we are being told. If you do end up losing all of your hair, (PRAYING that you won't) I would just show her, for shock value. Ask, "How funny is this? And what would you do if this was your head?" I'm sure she would re-think her response.
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Permalink Reply by Mary on
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You all are so amazing...and each of you has given me something to ponder.
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Permalink Reply by Ariel Hawley-Fry on
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Sometimes I think that people around us do not know how to deal with the baldness. I don't think she was laughing to make fun of you. I think maybe she was just picturing you bald. My husband loves me and thinks I'm beautiful whether I'm bald or not, but he still pokes fun at me whenever he can. I know he is just making light of a tough situation. Maybe try talking to her and tell her that the laughing hurt your feelings. She may tell you she wasn't making fun of you, instead she just didn't know what to say.
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I encourage you to ask her,"Do you know how much your reaction affected me?". Hopefully she will see how hurtful it was. A friendship can't be solid and close if you hide your feelings. A good conversation about this could bring you closer and make more sensitive going forward. If not, and you end up de-friending and replacing her, at least you gave it your best shot.
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