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Having a hard day
Today I am having a hard day coping with my hair loss. I have been doing really good lately and this website has really helped, getting to know people that are going through the same thing. The closer and closer my wedding gets the more anxiety I have about my hair. That is the first thing that people notice and I am starting to be unable to cover up my spots. I have about 45-55% of hair loss all over my head. I really like the look of the natural, human hair wigs but you have to shave off your hair and I can not come to terms with that. I still have this hope that it will suddenly grow back. I guess i am just looking for words of encouragement or if anyone knows if there is anything out there for my situation. Thank you for designing this website, it has really helped me start to accept my AA.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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When I was 15-17, I got to that point and still had hair at my hairline, so I DIDN'T shave it all off, but got a half-wig called a "fall" and used big bobby-pins to secure it to my remaining hair, then pulled my front hair over the edge and clipped it in back with a huge barrett. It looked like my own hair growing out of my forehead. Later, I got overall wigs just for college convenience (the method I described took one hour each morning because I was obsessed with symmetry and perfection. Making it on time to class with a roommate needing the bathroom in college called for Plan B). I hacked my hair off if it stuck out from under a wig in the wrong place, so it was all kinds of crazy lengths age 18-20...but no one saw it anyway. When it started growing in at 20, I got a short haircut (a Jane-Fonda shag) and learned to party down at sorority mixers. For my wedding at 31 I had hair, but if I hadn't, I would have done something cool with a Juliette cap, 1920s cloche ?) hat, or get a great wig styled by a pro. Don't worry...you'll come up with a great idea and you'll look lovely. There are soooooo many options!
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Permalink Reply by Ally on
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Hi ErinMichele
I wonder if you have shared your concerns with your fiance? When I got engaged I had a full head of hair but it started to fall out about 4 months before our wedding. My fiance was very supportive but I was concerned that the guy she had agreed to marry (with hair) was now changing and would be bald by our wedding day! I got a wig - (a very bad wig!), got married and over the years have become a bit of an expert in wig styling - I hope this advice helps:
1. Accept that in the run up to the "big day" its unlikely your hair will return - so plan NOW.
2. It takes about 6 weeks from time you get a wig for it to settle into the shape of your head - the heat from your head helps this happen.
3. Try lots of styles till you find a few you really like and feel confident wearing.
4. Get them "styled" by someone you trust and who is not "scissor happy" - you should plan to make several visits - never too much trimmed at any one time as obviously it can't be put back once its cut!
5. You are a lovely blonde - stick with that color - all guys love it!
6. Wigs can be like hats - different styles for different occasions - make them part of your "wardrobe"
7. Your wedding day is a BIG day so you will be the center of attention - most will be looking at your dress and make up etc - not your hair.
8. The wigs today are amazingly good - 2 years ago my wife developed cancer and after chemo all her hair fell out - she got some marvellous blonde wigs and we met an old friend who didn't know about my wife's chemo - "You look great" said the friend, "and your hair is gorgeous..." she never spotted a thing and 99% don't because they look at your eyes - not your hairline - so my final tip is always engage with peoples eyes - a smile helps!
9. Sadly my wife died of cancer last year after 30 years married - I have now decided to stop wearing a wig and enjoy the breeze and "raindrops falling on my head" - but my advice is to treat your wig as you would make up - to help you look beautiful on your big day - and you WILL!
Hope this helps,
Ally
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Permalink Reply by ErinMichele on
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Wow, thank you so much for that reply. Yes my fiance has been very supportive and has actually told me just to shave it all off, but of course I am not ready for that. I live in New Orleans and am fairly new to the area so I am concerned that I will not be able to find a "good" place to get a wig.
I am so sorry to hear about your wife, but sounds like she has really motivated you to be free. Thank you so much for your kind words and I wish you the best.
I will keep you posted on my situation.
Thanks again, Erin
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Permalink Reply by Eileen Simpson on
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I am sorry for you loss and just wanted you to know that your a very special man.
Eileen
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Not to long ago I was in your shoes, not comfortable but a reality. First let me say that there are all sorts of wonderful wigs out there. I have seen then on the Internet and also visited a shop in Sacramento California. Wonderful place helpful people. I shaved mine off two or three months ago, yes it was hard and if you ever decide to do that you'll know when it's time. I still have bad days, but we can't let AA or AU, determine our lives. Easier said then done I know. Have you looked into Paula Young wigs. Nice wigs I just got a new one today. I love it very conformable and can easily be worn over your hair depending on the length of your hair.
I hope this has helped and cong on your wedding.
Eileen
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I have not really looked into many wigs, I would rather do it in person so I can try them on. I do want something that is natural and fits over my hair that i still have but I do have really long hair so I dont know how that will work. Luckily I am still able to cover most of my spots but it is only a matter of time. I just ordered Millefolium Magic Spray which I have heard helps cover the spots and thickens the hair left. I dont know if you have heard of this but I am gonna try it. Thanks for your help, I am gonna start looking into my options, I dont want to have to wait a long time before I really need one and it taking awhile to receive, ya know. Thanks
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Permalink Reply by JeffreySF on
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Hi Erin,
I'm not sure how diffuse your hairloss is but i used to use this powder on my patches. It is awesome if you have enough hair. The product is called Xfusion and is available at beauty salons.
Jeffrey
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Permalink Reply by Supermom on
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HI there,
Ally, you sound like a wonderful guy and great advice.
Erin,
I feel for you but the one thing you don't have to worry about is the great guy you are marrying. He will love you bald or not, you are very lucky. I was in a similar situation last summer with 40% of my hair gone, I had to attend a university reunion with the coolest people, some I hadn't seen for 20 years. I couldn't go like I was so I bought a wig (in a rush) 2 days before. I cried til the last minute before I left because it felt so fake and I felt fake. When I got there, my friend (who I told) said "that's the best damn wig I've ever seen". I am SO glad I went. One of our friends had died from breast cancer the year before and the last time I saw her, she was wearing a wig.
The point is, you will get used to a wig. You don't need to shave it off for a human hair wig unless its a vacuum wig. Choose wisely and buy the best one you can. I forget I'm wearing mine sometimes and what was once strange and alien is now normal.
The bald head takes getting used to, I don't like to have it bare yet. My husband is the best though and he says I should just go natural around the house, its Hot! Who knew?
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Permalink Reply by Lori Black on
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HI, I had AA at 12 yrs that came back at 20 and left again at 28 after the birth of my first son. I had my own hair at my wedding, and it was arranged up in a french twist that covered a few patches near my neck that never grew back. When my hair started coming out after my son came, my husband and I tried hair extensions for a while until I had no hair left to attach it too. This might be an option for you, any beauty supply carries the hair (it is all human) and the glue, it can be a little painful, but there are lots of ways to cut the hair in the lengths you need and if you still have quite a bit of hair you can cover the "glued" hair seams pretty easily. I am now AU and wear a full wig, draw on eyebrows, drawn on eyelashes, the whole nine yards and I rarely ever think about it anymore. Congratulations on your marriage. You are lovely and will be a beautiful bride on your special day!!! Blessings to you and your soon to be husband!! Lori
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Thank you all for the advice, you guys have really helped me cope with this unknown disease. I dont think anyone really knows what you are going through unless they have gone or are going through it themselves. Its really refreshing to have so many people to share my experience with and get such great support in return. Thank you all so much!
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Permalink Reply by Paige on
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You do not have to shave off your hair to wear a human hair lace wig. Lot's of people with hair choose to wear them, because they are so beautiful. You just need to cover your hair with a cover, or some people do like a corn row braid. Go to Youtube and search videos for how to put on a wig and it will show you how easy it is. My daughter wears a custom human hair lace wig that is adhered with medical grade tape. She showers with it, swims with it, sleeps in it. We take it off and put new adhesive on it every 2 weeks. She loves it and says it is comfortable. We are purchasing hers through Ultimate Hair Online. It is custom fit to her head (they show you online how to measure your head with 6 different measurements...very easy to do). They do have rush custom orders (2 week delivery). They give you discounts when you have alopecia. I have done tons of research on wigs (trying to come up with best options for my daughter). If you want any advice or help, just let me know. It gets a little confusing with all of the choices there are.
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