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How to accept being ugly
This is going to sound majorly harsh, but hear me out.
I feel like the "bald is beautiful" is a lie we tell ourselves and others just to feel better. I don't think bald is beautiful. I think some can be beautiful IN SPITE of being bald, but it will always detract from their appearance. I don't want to pamper myself and say that if I take a bubble bath and get new clothes and work on the rest of my appearance and "do things to make myself feel pretty" I'll feel attractive, because guess what, I'm not, and I won't try to fool myself into thinking I am. I'm sorry, I realize how insulting to everyone this sounds, but looks DO weigh more than personality in the world. Unfair and sucky, but it's true and we all know it. Jobs, dating, personal worth largely hinges on social perception of ourselves. I can't look a certain way and I can't fool myself into feeling a certain way and so normally I focus on other things, but I'm still never really ok. I go through life knowing that disgust is power, and so no one will mess with me because in a way, walking around with a half smooth half shaved head makes me look tough. But still, I know I am still not ok with my ugliness.
There must be a way to peace without lying to myself. Question is, how can I come to terms and accept that I am ugly? Any thoughts?
-PG
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by pippinsgirl on
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Very true...although I don't have cancer or paralysis or anything life threatening, I am sick with some other stuff that still makes my life very hard. We can't kid ourselves that it's not a big deal because it is to us. If something good happens to you, is it right to be told "You shouldn't be that happy because someone else has it better."?
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Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on
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Problem is, pippinsgirl, that you have decided to be miserable. Some of us are and some of us aren't, but it is a choice that YOU are making. The negativity is coming from inside your head, not from the outside. If you choose to be happy and choose to accept what has happened (and really you don't have much choice about it after all), then you can DECIDE to be happy and to roll with it. If you don't, then you are condemning yourself to a miserable life. Why would any of you do that? Whether you decide to wear a wig or not, the way you act on the outside is what draws other people to you. If you THINK you are beautiful and act that way, then others perceive you as beautiful. If you THINK you are ugly and act that way, then others see you that way as well. This is a choice. If you can't make it, then you should probably be seeing a counselor and perhaps get on some medication if you are clinically depressed. It is possible to be happy with yourself and to see this disease as an opportunity for personal growth.
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Stop trying to make alopecia sound good just by comparing it to cancer
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Pippinsgirl
Your post is neither harsh or insulting.
I agree with the general tenet of post. The loss of hair = loss on various levels.There are not many who have not followed/felt the general trend of your post.
It becomes a problem when we keep following the general downward trend and spin around the bottom.
Life is different with no hair. We can't go back!
That probably is our saviour and answer. We have to adjust/accomadate to our new feelings.... and perceptions of other people.
In fact some of us slightly re-invent ourselves.
If you can have rhinoplasty, breast augmentation, teeth capping/whitening, weight loss.
You can have a wig !
Even i have eyebrow tattoos.
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Permalink Reply by Cindie on
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I have had alopecia forever, it seems. I shave my head. I LIKE the way I look, but because of "social pressure", I always wear wigs in public. I admire the ladies who "go bald" in public.....but I could never do it, because the "price" I would have paid was way, way, too high. I need to work to live indoors in a place that has a non-leaking roof, hot and cold running water, and to eat on a regular basis. So I have "gone along to get along", and will continue to do so.
But this isn't about me....it's about YOU. You're not "ugly"....you're "different"....and if wearing wigs will make you feel better about yourself, then by all means do so. But please do SOMETHING that will make you more comfortable and less depressed. I cannot say what that would be, only you would know.
And the only thing I found "harsh" about your post was you calling yourself "ugly." You only pointed out realities....and I am a realist. As my grandfather would say, "don't beat up on yourself, because there are people standing in line ready and willing to do that to you." BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF.
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Permalink Reply by Tatiana on
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Look at the religious jews who wear wigs every day. most if those females shave their own hair on purpose. All of them are happily married.
By getting an alopecia I got into wigs business. And make extra couple of thousands of dollars a months.
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I am sorry you feel that way but I understand where you are coming from. My son has alopecia universalis. He quit high school because the principal would not let him cover his head in the way he felt comfortable. Society does dictate what is "beautiful". I worried for the longest time he would never find love, never be successful because he would be judged. Don't know how old you are, but once he got past the teen years, he has been fine. He has a great job because they judge him on his ability and not his lack of hair. He found his first real girlfriend because she loves him for the kind soul he is and not his lack of hair. It is what is inside a person not what is outside. Surround yourself with people who don't give a shit about your hair and don't even see it when they look at you. Jon is a talented musician. Find something you love and become good at it. Meet people that way. Best of luck to you. When you have a good attitude, it will be contagious.
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Permalink Reply by Kitty on
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Yeah, you can put a wig but I understand her. I refuse to wear a wig...is this lil thing iside me that tells me that I want my freaking hair. Many of us have to make peace with the idea, its difficult, some days are better than others but still is a heck of a lot to carry on my back. I tried wigs before, specially when I was 20 and what I receive is bullyism since poor people of my country has a very different concept of beauty. That's why I'm here and I'm thinking again on wearing wigs...its time to have fun right? I hope that my self esteem gets boosted a little.
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Permalink Reply by ceecee on
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Well put, I feel the same way. No matter how you dress it up no matter how much make up no matter how big the earrings, bald is bald. And it's something that would rather not be dealing with. I 'm just learning to deal with it. It is what it is.
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Permalink Reply by dreamscometrue on
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My thing is, if having no hair gets you this down, how would you react to something really life threatening?? Sometimes you really have to look at the alternative knowing it could be much worse. In a world where there are much bigger problems than vanity and hair, you gotta know that this isn't the worst it could be. I've been married, divorced, dated and in none of that has me not having hair been a deal breaker. In fact, it's been a bonus ;-)
I find the more I draw attention to me not having hair, the more people will exam me looking at me as if I'm a lab rat. The more I just feel good in my own skin, the more people react to me and say you look pretty or that I look young for my age.
I'm just trying to help you put it in perspective. Ugly is what you are NOT!!
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interesting 8 pages..
Hey PG, looks like you did something very positive. You've gotten folks to get on this forum and participate. And i will reiterate again. Your post is not "offensive" "insulting" or anything. It's your truth... And not only yours but quite a few of us felt the same way. You have the balls the size of church bells! And i'm glad you posted. It brought a lot "members" out of the wood work. Some to support, some to preach - but at least we now have a higher "head count!" (please excuse the pun)..
For those who haven't been on the forum for a while, but decided to come in and focus on this thread alone? How about looking around, there's plenty of other threads here where folks can use some support.
Welcome back to Alopeciaworld.com!! :)
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