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How to accept being ugly
This is going to sound majorly harsh, but hear me out.
I feel like the "bald is beautiful" is a lie we tell ourselves and others just to feel better. I don't think bald is beautiful. I think some can be beautiful IN SPITE of being bald, but it will always detract from their appearance. I don't want to pamper myself and say that if I take a bubble bath and get new clothes and work on the rest of my appearance and "do things to make myself feel pretty" I'll feel attractive, because guess what, I'm not, and I won't try to fool myself into thinking I am. I'm sorry, I realize how insulting to everyone this sounds, but looks DO weigh more than personality in the world. Unfair and sucky, but it's true and we all know it. Jobs, dating, personal worth largely hinges on social perception of ourselves. I can't look a certain way and I can't fool myself into feeling a certain way and so normally I focus on other things, but I'm still never really ok. I go through life knowing that disgust is power, and so no one will mess with me because in a way, walking around with a half smooth half shaved head makes me look tough. But still, I know I am still not ok with my ugliness.
There must be a way to peace without lying to myself. Question is, how can I come to terms and accept that I am ugly? Any thoughts?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Ellyn on
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Hi Pippinsgirl - You sure have started some discussion - good on you - thanks for your honesty - I don't mind being ugly especially as if all those people who think they're beautiful took off their makeup and bared their souls sometimes then they'd be even uglier than you and me! God bless.
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Permalink Reply by Susan on
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We are beautiful no matter what they say
And words can't bring us down.
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes words can't bring us down,oh no
They cannot bring us down today.
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yeah,
they can sing that song loud and proud because they have hair..
(sorry, but... LOL!!!)
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Is hair all we need ?
We don't know what they have or don't have,while
they sing that song.
But I'm sure it has helped lots of people.
It's not like we lost a limb or any of our senses.
A doctor one told me that hair does not really serve a purpose other than adornment.
Sorry if I offend.I do empathize but I'm not here to have a pity party.
I lost my hair,but I 'kept it moving'
I'm on to other things.
To me,beauty is strength,humility,wisdom and courage.
We have to define our own ideas of beauty,not by what others tell us.
There's nothing more inspiring than that of an individual who is not perceived as handsome or beautiful in the traditional sense,exuding confidence and living their life proudly.
Not only does it inspire others,but they can't help but say
'She's a bad ass...
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Permalink Reply by dreamscometrue on
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HELL YEAH!!!
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Permalink Reply by Tom on
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You are right on. Don't let this define who you are. And looking at you photo you are a beautiful young woman. No one can argue that point.
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Permalink Reply by Larry Barbee on
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Love the attitude, Susan!
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Permalink Reply by Tatiana on
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people pay thousands of dollars to get rid of the hair on their bodies. we don't have to :)
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I will say initially it doesn't feel good having this disorder, but to perpetuate onto oneself the feeling of being ugly, agreeing with that, subscribing to that belief, gives you absolutely nothing positive to look forward to. It's not about putting your big girl pants on. It's about accepting what you cannot change and making the best of it. Somewhere within you have to love yourself. No one else will do that for you. To wake up every day and feel ugly or disgust is no way to LIVE!! That's not living, that's a slow implosion.
It's just as easy to turn it around and love yourself as it is to hate what you see.
"change the way you look at things, and the things you look at begin to change" Dr Wayne Dyer
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Wow, some of these responses are downright nasty.
I agree with the OP's sentiments.
For example, I am cross-eyed. If a bunch of cross-eyed people started pronouncing, "crossed eyes are beautiful!" Mmmm ... No they're not. It doesn't mean that every cross-eyed person is ugly, but no, in itself, it's not really an attractive thing.
At the very least, it's not condidered attractive by most people in society.
God created me with hair. An ugly disease has destroyed a very significant part of my God-given beauty. There is NOTHING wrong with acknowlaging that and mourning it.
It's already been mentioned that people have spouses who no longer find them attractive. This is pretty devastating. Telling someone to "quit whining and grow up" is not helpful or kind, IMO.
I personally have chosen to "restore the way God created me" as much as possible by wearing a very attractive and comfortable wig for almost all my waking hours. I would no more apologize for that than I would for wearing comfortable clothing in a color I thought I looked great in.
It's very late and I don't know if I made any sense, but I hope this is helpful to someone.
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I hear you pippinsgirl,
I had everything going for myself pippinsgirl then in 2008 bam alopecia happened. Everything you described above I felt as well. I went through every step of alopecia. Lost my awesome girlfriend, job, and even some friends. I hate to say it but the "bald is beautiful" or "it is just hair" is a way to make a person feel better. Unfortunately looks do matter!! But what I have found out is when you are always thinking like that you become a different person to be around. Please don't go that route, I did and it was a tough lesson to learn. People who aren't going through alopecia don't understand and to be honest they don't give 2 shits that you have alopecia because the world goes around without me or you in it. Be yourself and live life like someone with hair. Trust me you will get tougher and appreciate different kinds of people and things.
If you are new at this stupid alopecia, please give a good cry stand tall and don't go through the toughest part of alopecia. Remember there is nothing you can do to stop alopecia.
I know right now you won't believe me, but in time it will get better. I didn't believe that in 2008, so I don't except you to as well. Good Luck and I do feel your pain!!!!!!!!!!!
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