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How to come out hiding and wear whatever wig you want to out in public? Help. How did you do it?
an article a co worker gave me about alopecia in the recent parents magazine states " Alopecia is life altering not life threatening" so true but that person who wrote the article probably has no idea what it feels like, I wonder if they have Alopecia????? How has it affected you? Do you go out in different wigs and who cares or do you like myself go out in the same type style so as not to tip people off about the condition? I wish I had the umph in me to go out in whatever wig I chose and just be me. I am a rather postiive, happy , and strong person, but not with this. You think after 4 years I would be ok, but no , I try not to show it, I think do they know? are they feeling sorry for me? Crazy eh, I know but how did you get over that feeling of omg they know, or they can tell. I am self concious about it still, not around close family at home, I will go bald for short times. But never go outside of the house, or even out of the yard with a diff wig, it is the same type style as the old me. Please share how you came out and was just you? I need help on this one.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Denise on
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all such great words and feelings. I just want to be able to as I call it " come out about it" & If I feel like wearing my nice long auburn one, then next day wear the one you see in my pic then my short one when it is so hot out. BUT no, I still wear the same similar one so no one outside of my small circle knows. WHY I have no idea.......... BUT I am the type of person that usually never cares what others think. But for this part of my life, it terrifies me.......... I hate the LOOK , you know the sick look, they stare and look as though OH is she sick? does she have cancer, I call it the cancer look....... NO people I do not, I have alopecia......... but I recognize the look and it drives me nuts........... so I am stuck right now, but I am practicing in my head with my emotional psychy to one day soon say to heck with it and go as I want to go. ...............also it is hard right now cause i had 3 wigs like this one of my pic all purchased since June 2 have since died, yes frizzed and wrecked and believe me I take great care of my wigs, heat resistant this one said YA right, I never used heat on it ever except the sunshine and in the morning on a SAt I had put a brand new one on and by 3pm it was crunchy at the bottom and breaking terribly, I had to cut 1 inch off to fix it, so it is ruined. so I am down to this one left to wear out in public so I feel pressured, I ordered a real human hair one again whic I have similar already but in the darker color like this one. to try and stay the same, I am just so nervous that what if this one starts to fall apar tbefore the other one gets here. I always buy 2 of whatever wig I have , always a backup in case one is ruined, Paranoid I know, I call it prepared.............. Mary I look up to you and with your help and the support of everyone on here, one day I will get to where I want and need to be. Thank you again for everything. I just never knew how hard this was going to be. & to the outside world they think I got this totally under control ha ha....little do they know I struggle so much lately. :)
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Hi again, I feel it too. people around me think oh she handles it so well. Ya right, no I am not. It kills me lately, it tears me up, I am mad, angry, then ok then not, then think, hey your alive, your not sick it is only hair. YES but why my hair? WHy my eyebrows & lashes? & especially lately I get migraines spring & fall mostly and when I do I cannot handle a wig no matter what it hurts like crazy....so I stay home , and let no one except my immediate family see me. oh well for now that is where I am at and you would think I would be further along as it is 4 years now for me........... I think I was in denial and kept thinking it is only temprary......... cheers :) together we will learn to deal adn in the meantime I am still smiling cause no one can take my smile................ :)
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Permalink Reply by Mary on
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Thank you, Denise.
I'm mad sometimes, too. I feel sorry for myself sometimes.
But, mostly I'm thankful that I'm able to do the things I love. I have other minor and not so minor health issues that I would MUCH rather be rid of than have my hair back!
Being bald is the LEAST of it, for me. Being bald doesn't stop me from dancing, diving, hiking, living. It has caused me emotional pain, but no physical pain. I don't mean to minimize what you and we all suffer from this damn disease, but, somehow, I've gotten to the point that it really isn't the problem it was initially.
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Permalink Reply by Georgia Kay Jarman on
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Hi, I certainly understand all of the feelings and anxiety mentioned. I feel it too. Everything I read on this support site shows that you truly understand what I'm going through also. The people who don't have the problem can't seem to get why we think the way we do. They say, oh, just put the wig on.
It's no big deal.
You are still you.
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Hi, Denise
I know how you feel. I used to be angry about losing my hair and now sometimes I feel very sad about losing the person I was. I used to be carefree, very social and outgoing, and I had a fabulous sense of humor. I missed--I should say mourned--my sense of humor for many years. Then it started coming back--my humor not my hair! I'm a slow recoverer, I guess. But I'm working on it. The years have changed me and I think for the better. I remember way back in the beginning I realized that I couldn't accept it and fight it at the same time. I had to choose one if I was to survive. Even though Alopecia leaves us little real choice, I chose to accept it. In that small way I gave myself some control over this controlling disease. What a strong positive statement: "no one can take my smile." Thank you for that! :)
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Thank you both for replying. I think, NO , I know why I started this post. It is because for the last 4 years I believe I was pretending to be ok with it. When I never really truly as you say mourned it. Dealt with it. Made my decision to accept it. I played along with it. But by doing this putting feelings to paper as I call it. It is step 1 of me accepting what life has given me,and saying it is ok, I am ok. I just needed to know I am not alone in these feelings. Other than on this site on this thread have I really opened up about how I have and do feel............ In my regular life I appear totally ok with it all to those that know I am an alopcian as I say.....LOL but here in order to move to step 2 ( which is dig deep find the courage to say to heck with it and be brave and go out as I want to go out) I needed to share and be honest and open up.................. I have never even gone on my back deck of my house without hair...... I will live, I just want to live with less worry of being caught in diff hair,or bald. I am so sorry to go on and on. But this dumb inner struggle is so hard...... Well thanks again........... :)
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The inner struggle is something we all have had to deal with.
For what it's worth, I can tell you that BEFORE I began going out in public bald, I worried constantly about people "finding out". I worried about the wig coming off or shifting, about whether it looked "wiggy".
AFTER I started going out bald, and once I got used to it as the new normal for me, all that worry just evaporated. Now EVERYONE can tell I have no hair, and you know what? I don't give a flying you-know-what! It just doesn't matter because it's just the way I am.
I'm sorry if I sound like I'm repeating myself, but I remember so clearly how terrible I felt BEFORE, and I just wish I could do a Vulcan mind meld (for those of you who know what that is) and GIVE everyone else the state of mind I have about it now.
This is me not giving a flying...in front of about 2,000 people. 4 years ago, I couldn't have imagined doing this:
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Permalink Reply by ASRN on
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love it - forget about the being bald part - it's the public dancing I would be terrified of! haha :) Looks fun
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Thanks! Yeah, I realize the dancing part would be scary to most people - but I'm a dancer/dance teacher and have zero inhibitions about dancing when the music moves me (which is just about always). (;-)
Same place, different year:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fU3g8_oEAWY
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Permalink Reply by Casey on
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I wear one wig usually, only because the goods one are so expensive! Sometimes I will switch it up if I am around people who know I have AU (which is all my friends and family anyway) or if i am around total strangers because they will never know
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Casey thank you. I was wondering I love the hair your wearing is it called Lavish by chance real HH? Toronto your only 8 hrs away . cool. I haev relatives that live there.
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Funny- I wrote wrote on your profile that our wigs look a lot alike. I dont know the name or brand, but it is human hair
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