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I feel so ashamed
This is what happened: I'm in my first year of university and have met amazing people. However, one of my best friends of 6 years revealed me her secret and it absolutely shocked me. I never knew it would happen to her. Then I made a new friend at my university and I found out that she had a ruptured brain aneurysm when she was seven and multiple brain surgeries over the past 8 years. She's so positive and always smiles. Just this week, she had a seizure and a group of students at my school helped her. She was so thankful for that act of kindness and grateful for everything in her life.
Here, I only have hair loss (AGA) and a hearing disability with the resultant speech impediment (hence I've faced - and am still - people judging me based on that). I've been depressed over the past 6 years over these little things (hair loss and hearing disability) and yet these girls I've met have gone through so much in their lives and I haven't even heard them complain of it. In fact, I've been wanting for a human hair wig for so long but after finding out about the incident of my friend having a seizure, my desire to get a wig seems insignificant.
I feel so ashamed for complaining so much and not being grateful for everything in my life. I really don't know how to explain this feeling but I realized that I need to be grateful and that my hair loss seems insignificant compared to what others have gone through in their lives. I hope you understand what I'm trying to explain as I'm at a loss of words at the moment.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Soisy on
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Lilac! you are right ON.. i was thinking of this over the weekend. here i am bummbed about my hair loss. and pple are being diagnosed with life threatening disasese and im only loosing my hair. i feel like im being ungrateful if that makes sense.
so i see what you are saying, and im sorry for what your friends are going through. i will try to keep this in mind for the next time im feeling down about my hair loss. i will try to remember that it is only vanity. and that im alive and healthy.
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Permalink Reply by Anyanwu Chinyere Oby on
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Hello, you just have to be strong, I completely understand what you are going through it takes a lot of courage and grace from God. Keep smiling and God will certainly perfect all that which concerns us, and give you peace which passes all understanding. I have been at that point in my life too and the feeling creeps up from time to time.
You are not alone. Take care
Chinyere
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Permalink Reply by Mark S. Hansen on
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When Einstein said or everything is relative, one way he meant that was no mater how bad off, well off, how rich or poor, strong or weak, we are often depends on who we compare ourselves to. We will always be better or worse off than someone else in the world.
I used to say that friend I had, had it made because unlike me, he didn't have Alopecia Universalis, unlike me he had a great wife, great kids and a good job, I have had Alopecia Universalis for 45+ yrs. I have never had a girlfriend or a relationship in my whole life. I lost my virginity at age 48. That's it. Today I am about as alone as any one can get.
I am now 57, I have two college degrees, but I have been unemployed for 5 yrs. I owe 83000 in unpaid student loans and about 6 months ago I went completely broke. My sister has been helping me out a little financially for the past 6 months to keep me from being homeless. I currently have 65.00 left to my name as of Feb 27th 2014. And I do not know how I am going to make it through until Feb 7th when she will send me a check for about 100.00.
I have never seriously thought of suicide but I have joked about it to people at times over the past few years. I have at time also giving it way more thought than I should. But the reason I am still here is because I promised my mom on her death bed almost 4 yrs ago that I would hang on and stick life out no matter what. She also told me that every time I think about how bad off I have it, think of Russ. He was my friend with a great life who I felt had it made, but called me one day about 7 yrs ago and said he had non-Hotchins lymphoma. He died 5 yrs later, leaving behind two kids, and a wife, who I was told had found out a year or so later that she had MS.
Despite all that, No, I do not think you or any one should feel guilty about felling bad about your condition. I have often said over the years that there is nothing positive about mine. I hate it. And other peoples problems do not make yours or mine go away or I reality make ours better. But thinking about the terrible trials of others, does help us to cope, understand, empathize, and move on. I wish you love and all good things. Mark in Milw.
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Mark my heart goes out to you. but even though you lived half of your life alone so to speak. you still have the other half to live.. so live it to the fullest. and remember that your current situation is just current. it can always change. its what you choose to do with your life. you could be well off by summer. you just never know. you can meet someone tomorrow and she can be your wife and birth your child by next year. life is funny that way. so dont give up. keep on living.
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Permalink Reply by Solange De Santis on
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Mark, I feel for your situation, but please know that life can change and get better. I am a freelance editor, single mom, with a teenager to support. In the last five years, I've been laid off twice from editorial jobs. Just over a year ago, I had no work, so I applied to Macy's to be Christmas sales help - and was rejected! Overqualified, I guess. Then, in the spring, a friend recommended me to a client and two more clients came on board. So 2013 ended up being my best year ever in terms of income. In addition, one year ago, I had no romance in my life, but this past fall, a gentleman entered my life. It's not a sure thing - but what is? It takes an effort to see positives instead of negatives, but it's worth it.
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Mark, I admire your honesty in your post. Please know that you are not alone, that there are good people in the world. I hope you find a good support system. You never know in this life when things will turn around. This may be the year that great things happen for you.....sending positive thoughts your way. Take Care.
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Permalink Reply by willow on
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My dearest Lilac, never feel ashamed for your feelings. Honour them, as they give you great insight into your inner self. We all handle stuff differently, and feelings are not on a sliding scale, they are unique. We never know the real inside story on others, and should never beat ourselves up. Use their stories to inspire you, for that may be the reason they are on your path. Blessings , and thank you for sharing <3
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You shouldn't feel ashamed, jus grateful. We live, learn, and face many obstacles. At this point all u can do is stay strong and prayed up. Your friend is suffering this horrific experience, but still living! I loss my mother 2005 to a brain aneurysm. Continue to be a wonderful friend, share tears of joy and pain. That's what friends are for. I hv epilepsy, but I won't complain, just maintain. God makes no mistakes :-)
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Permalink Reply by Lilac on
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I have to share this with you. I had a dream last night and it was about a wig. I actually enjoyed the dream except for one aspect: hair loss. In my dream, I was at a local shopping mall with my friends and family members and came across a wig shop I was supposed to go last year but didn't, so I entered the store and found the owner (I know her in real life). I told her everything about my hair loss or AGA and she found a wig for me. So I tried it on and it wasn't "the one" for me, so I came back feeling discouraged to her. On the spot, she found another wig that happened to be in stock and it was brown curly hair (my hair is black). I put it on my head but what's strange about it was that the wig cap is not the wig cap. It was a sandwich cap with hairs adhered to it! So I wrapped it around my head and because of the plasticity of the sandwich bag, I had to wrap it with another scarf to keep it sable. That scarf was red and because it was around my head, I looked like Red Riding Hood!
It was a bit depressing but represented my desire to get a wig. Otherwise I enjoyed it, regardless of how strange that sounded.
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Permalink Reply by Jackie on
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Wow, your friend is so lucky to have such a supportive friend like you. My best friend, Jocelyne, past away in May due to an aneurysm. I never got the chance to tell her about my alopecia, but I knew she would of understood. This post is really touching. I completely agree with you. It's just hair & there is no need to be ashamed :-)
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Hi there
Hair loss is not too bad, but a hearing disability and speech impediment can been terribly hard. Please don't feel ashamed
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It helps me too to have things put in perspective. But as a mom I get to remember that I'd never tell my kids to be sad if they feel sad, even if it's over something small. After four years I still have days when I miss my hair and I cry. I'm glad my kids can see its ok to feel.
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