Alopecia World
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'Sympathy' shave?
I have been shaving my head for so many years that I no longer remember what it was like to let my hair grow. Today, however, I told my alopecic and adorable fiancee, Cheryl Carvery, that I might allow my hair grow back. Strange thing is a few minutes ago I started feeling like I should continue shaving my head because Cheryl has alopecia. It's the weirdest feeling and it got me to thinking: How do people living with alopecia feel about their partners shaving their head for sympathetic reasons? Whether or not you have alopecia, I'd love to hear from you on this one.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by rj, Co-founder on
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Arachnia, I've been shaving my head bald for far too many years to consider the hair on it as part of my identity. Cheryl understands that I consider my hair to be a natural fashion accessory at best, so I think she also understands that my shaving it off need not need make her sad. Perhaps the love of your life will feel the same way, sparing you any cause to become distraught over such a matter of style. And, of course, that's not to take anything from "the occasional hug"; don't tell anyone, but I'm always good for one of these. ;-)
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Ooooookay, Alicia, I take it that you like your boyfriend's hair! LOL
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Permalink Reply by Cheryl, Co-founder on
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WOW! Rj read me this blog after he posted it and I wanted to respond, I started the response yesterday and I was out most day and could not respond until now.
rj, Although I KNOW your heart and your love for me. I would prefer that you did what you wanted to do. I do not feel like you pity me in anyway and if anything your thoughts are more protective.
There is a side that is “awed” at the thought that your love for me is such that I am in your most basic thoughts. Most women cannot get a man to consider them in the important decision, let alone consider them in their everyday basic decision.
But at the same time I am the person who has alopecia and I know full well that changing all the circumstances around me to avoid hurt of pain is not the way that a person can spread their wings and learn to grow.
In addition, the choice to no longer wear wigs was made before rj came into my life and I was full aware of the consequences, both good and bad. I knew that I would receive stares and comments, but my vision for personal freedom to choose bought me to where I am today.
So babe, I love you just the way you are or however you choose to wear your hair ;). Now isn’t this backwards?
In fact, I think it would be interesting to know your thought and feelings as you let it grow.
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Babe, thanks for the loving reply. I appreciate your sensitivity, support and sagacity. It's refreshingly liberating to know that I can find such freedom in your love. However, it's certainly not because I "pity" you that I'm having second thoughts about allowing the hair on my head to grow back. Rather, I'm such in solidarity with you that I take incalculable delight in seizing every opportunity to identity with you. Ultimately, this is the ineffable joy of being one, finding expression in indecisiveness regarding such an "everyday, basic decision." But, of course, if you insist, there's always the alternative PICTURED BELOW! LOL
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LOL
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I love it! That would be so cool. Me bald and you err.... puffy! LOL!
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Permalink Reply by Mari on
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Rj I think I have to say that I agree with the "for a cause" thing. I can totally see if it were for money or something. But to shave, and I hate to say sympathy but there it is, I don't think is a good thing. Our whole credo and what we want is for people to accept us and to be able to just be ourselves and it seems like to sympathy shave is in total disregard to what we are striving for. I can see it if it is a one time thing or so, like you both shave to begin with. But I wouldn't want my significant other to change their appearance for me, or to make me feel more comfortable or better, when we are wanting them to do the exact opposite for us!
I really do understand the wanting to be a whole, as in the solidarity idea, but for me pesonally I would want my partner to be themself no matter what and I am myself no matter what. As long as I have their love and support that is all I would need
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Permalink Reply by Donna Hakim on
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Hi RJ - Topic caught my attention - I have a 4 year old that was diagnosed with AA at 10 months of age. Since that time I have wanted to shave my head for her. It's not for sympathy but rather a way for her to see that not only is there nothing wrong with not having hair but that there are people around her that look just like her. There are no Barbie dolls or television shows that have characters with alopecia so it is up to me (and us as a community) to make alopecia just another "hairdo" in the world. And I will shave my head - I'm just growing it for her right now. I save my ponytails just for her. But I think that no matter what, having those with alopecia connect with others affected is the best thing and most supportive thing there is. Thank you for all the work you do with your site!
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Permalink Reply by Nants the Rebellion Dog on
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What a cool idea! Alopecia Barbie. I like it. But I'm really replying to your statemen that there are no TV shows with characters with alopecia. I never thought of that. Actually, I believe Telly Savalas actually was an alopecian, but it was not part of his image. Anyway, for that matter, I've never read a novel with an alopecian character. Something to think about.
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Permalink Reply by Ali T on
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I think you sound lovely and your fiancee will love the fact that you are prepared to do that for her. As I suffer from AU and obviously my husband doesnt and I love that he has hair - I just wish I could join him!!!!
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Permalink Reply by Eileen Simpson on
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I have to tell you a story, two weeks ago now my son Josh and I went to California, I noticed he didn't have hair on his head. I asked him what's up with that and if he was ok. He said to me mom I asked my friend to shave it last night just to show you how much I love you. Well ok the tears stared and we hugged. He really is a wonderful young man and I love you more then I can say.
Eileen
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Permalink Reply by Melody F. on
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This blog totally got my attention! Recently more of my hair has been falling out and although I still have enough to cover the bald spots, I may one day no longer be able to!! Especially with all the stress of living in todays world... So I was just thinking the other day, if I did lose all my hair or have to shave it, it would be soo nice if my husband shaved his head too, not forever, but just as a gesture to me that...I don't care that you don't have hair!! Its not that big a deal. I would never want to ask him to do this, but I think it would be thoughtful. Sometimes you just feel like an outcast knowing other people have hair and you dont! But I also would not expect or even want him to continue shaving his head for me. Sure if he likes it he can keep it that way. But just like I would expect him to allow me to wear my hair how I choose and feel comfortable, I think he would deserve the chance to do the same. So a one time thing is super duper nice, depending on how your partner would react...ya know, as long as they aren't the type to get offended about it. But just because they don't have hair, doesn't mean you don't have to either. Talk to her about it and be honest about how you are feeling. It will assure there is no awkwardness if you do decide to grow out your hair and she will most likely appreciate the honesty.
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