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Comment by LeslieAnn Butler on May 9, 2013 at 2:47pm

Hi Larisa,
I am in your same position, only without hair anywhere! I interviewed a lot of women just like you and me for my book, "If Your Hair Falls Out, Keep Dancing!" There's a lot of information on dating and how to tell men in the book that you might want to check out. All in all, I have found that the majority of the guys out there don't care. Some even like it and feel you are more attractive.

Comment by Tim Irvine on May 9, 2013 at 11:17am

I too got Alopecia at a very young age and grew up with it. Maybe I can offer a guy's perspective as it pertains to Alopecia. By the time I was 11 I have several patches and wore a ball cap backwards to conceal the Alopecia. By 14 all my hair had fallen out, and I was wearing a wig. My stress levels went up by a mile once I began to wear a wig. I spent such time trying to conceal Alopecia and pretend that I did not have it, that I wasn't really figuring out who I was. It was hard to fault girls that didn't like me for who I was when I wasn't sure myself who I was. They liked the veil I showed them, but once they saw the secret, they left. Most anyway.

At 15 I began taking PUVA treatments and grew nearly all my hair back. By 17 I had enough hair to go without a wig. I remember this one girl who had nothing to do with me before I had hair, seeking me out. I went out with her twice and told her I wasn't interested. Yes, I should not have sought out for a little revenge, but it felt sweet none the less.

During the 8 years I had hair, I honestly never felt at ease with it. Hair was a foreign to me as another language. I didn't know how to act when it came to dating, and I acted very insecurely most of the time. I always felt like I was looking over my shoulder for the day when I would lose the hair. One day finally came after a very stress filled year, and my hair fell out in like 2 weeks. I tried to seek treatment initially, but finally decided that this was who God intended me to be. From that point on, my insecurities faded, and I because extremely confident because I didn't have to worry about meeting people and breaking it to them later. They saw me for who and what I was from the start. That alone made for a less stressful dating period.

I found that many of the people who I was attracted to still weren't attracted to me, but at the same time, I also felt like Alopecia was weeding out a lot of superficial people from my life.

The fact is, not everyone can handle Alopecia. We are strong beyond what we even know, and when people do not accept us, it still hurts. But Alopecia, while we see it as an obstacle most days (me included), is also very much an asset that most people cannot know.

I once thought if people with Alopecia dated people with Alopecia, then it would be easy, but we are all scattered across the globe and that doesn't really work. I have made friends from far away places, but it's hard to go see each other.

I do think there are people who accept us as we are, and if we hang in there, the right one will come along. I find it curious how many of us have the same story. We are uniquely different. Not just anyone can understand the complexities of Alopecia, and not just anyone deserves the beauty we can share.

Just my 2 cents. Best of luck to all of you! Tim

Comment by Dame on May 9, 2013 at 11:12am

Angela and Erica, Thank you for your comments! You definitely give me hope that there are some good guys out there that will accept me as I am!

Comment by Angela Nx on May 9, 2013 at 11:03am

I met a guy on line and eventually we met in person. I used to have a crash on him and that's how our story started. never talked about my hair till the very moment we met and things got steamy. We started kissing and he caressed my neck and hair(wig). At this point i said: don't touch it; he said: why? I said: it's not my real hair, i have a condition and kept it very simple. He stopped touching it and we went on an on..
On our first encounters I would sleep with my wig on and managed to keep my make up quite well.. then I started to care less. We were very much in love. From time to time he would ask me to feel free to go bare head till one afternoon... we were very sweet with each other and he kept looking at me smiling and i knew he was trying to imagine what i looked like.. and in one second I removed my wig (I have alopecia totalis) I will never forget his lovely lovely smile! It was just lovely.. i have no words to describe it. later he told me that it meant a lot to him... he meant that i had accepted him totally...
All the time I was hoping he would accept me, he wanted me to accept him totally in my life, as it is, in everything, hair or no hair etc..

Comment by Miss Erica on May 9, 2013 at 12:16am

I actually met my husband online after being a single mother. I was free of a horrible relationship and I was single-ready-to-mingle and the only thing...half my hair was missing!! I, like you, was able to hide it with different hair styles. First date was awesome, second date really refreshing and we opened up about our exes and kids...then he invited my to his apartment when things got steamy. Until that point I had my spots covered...my hair soo thin but I teased the heck outta of it! We were kissing, and i'll never forget, I said I only let serious guys touch my hair! I killed that moment, had to...he said,"Why would you say that don't you like me?" then I said, I have nothing to hold on too...I'm going bald...!!" I just felt so natural and lifted the back of my hair and showed him my spots...he was like, sooo what? Like I killed the moment for nothing!!

We're 4 years going strong, married and he excepted my daughter as his own and we have a
4 mth old and now I'm completely bald...every morning he kisses my bald head good bye when he goes to work....

Long story-short...there are men out there who don't care, who can see past the bald spots or bald head...don't sell yourself short! Also, when it feels right, it probably is...you, unfortunately, may have to kiss a frogs before you find your prince, but they are out there!

Good luck xoxox!
Erica

Comment by Dame on May 8, 2013 at 9:08am

Rosanna, Thank you very much for your comment. Everything you said is right on point. Every situation and person will be different but trusting my instincts and heart really is the only option I have. Considering how unpredictable this disease can be at times, I would expect anyone who is with me to be flexible ... so you're right in turn I must be flexible myself. Since I am unable to control my alopecia I find myself wanting to control other things in my life more.. but relationships and certainly dating is one where you just need to let go and follow the natural course. Thank you again for your advice!

Comment by mmmm on May 7, 2013 at 11:20pm

I actually watched a video of your short film Rosanna. It was a great film, and I cried watching it. It was almost like you had a film of what I was feeling. Especially when you were removing eyelashes, wigs and etc one by one in the mirror. Looking at myself after shower in the mirror is my least fav thing to do. It still is very overwhelming to see the huge difference of my looks with all the make up and hair wig. I still am having very much a hard time to love myself for who I really am, so after all I am realizing that I still am not ready to meet a right guy yet. Who can love and understand me truly if I can't even do that myself. You are such an awesome inspiration Rosanna.

Comment by Rosanna on May 7, 2013 at 8:40pm

Reading your blog post and Miho's comment, I relate so much that I feel like I could have written them both myself. So much so I actually wrote, produced and acted in my short film, Layers, that highlights exactly this issue. Dating with alopecia can be stressful. Do I tell him on a first date? Do I not? When do I tell him? My husband and I went through a trial separation and during it, I did date someone else. I was nervous about telling him but it had been so long since I dated anyone that I forgot that everyone google searches everyone they date. So without me realizing it, my date already knew I had alopecia and obviously didn't care. My advice is to be flexible and follow your heart. Flexible in the sense that there isn't any hard or fast rule to when and how you should say it. Each situation/person will be different. Focus on the type of person you want to meet - someone that loves you for exactly who you are. If someone is turned off, then they aren't right for you and guess what? That just saved you a lot of time you may have spent with the wrong person. Follow your heart meaning if something inside you is telling you not to open up about it on the first date, then don't and vice versa. And no matter what don't let anyone's negative reactions dictate how you feel about yourself. Love yourself unconditionally and you will attract a man that will do the same.

Comment by Dame on May 7, 2013 at 7:21pm

Thank you Cheryl! I really appreciate it.

Comment by Cheryl, Co-founder on May 7, 2013 at 6:43pm

Hi Larisa,

I will try to list a couple of discussion that may help you on this subject.

In the meantime, you may also want to browse the "Men who don't Mind" group, you may find it very encouraing and a great reminder of what kind of a man you are looking for.

As well as the discussions on love and relationships.

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