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Day 4:::: BAD HAIR DAY :)
Today is day 4 of Bald life. Today is defiantly tough for me. First my daughter asked me to wear a scarf to her school. I agreed. When I got to the train station I decided I was not comfortable with it. So I took it off while she wasn’t looking. She did not notice for 2 minutes as we were talking about a picture and walking. The train came and she looked up at me and tears ran down her face. She asked , you’re not going to my school like that are you? I explained to her that I did not feel comfortable wearing a scarf and I just didn’t feel God was please with me personally for wearing it as if I hiding. You know like Moses with God takes the people out of bondage and they cry to go back.
I tried to hurry on the train, but she couldn’t or wouldn’t move. As I looked up , there on the pack train EVERYONE in that one car, even the conductor was staring at my bald head. The conductor looked out his train window with a smirk with a little laugh. Yes, in NYC!!! I was just amazed at how many stares I got. I had a audience! I would have gotten on the train smiling and happy if my daughter budged. I have never been an attention seeker, I avoid certain clothes and styles to avoid certain stares or comments, BUT BEING BALD TOOK ME OUT OF THAT!!!!
I realize that most people think I shave my head or got a “hair cut”. I got to many comments on my “hair cut” yesterday that I wanted to scream “ITS ALOPECIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Autoimmune Condition!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT A HAIR CUT!!! One lady yesterday said, “Oh I like your hair cut!” I responded, “Thank you but it’s not a haircut
Well long story short I didn’t get on the train. I put my scarf on and waited for the next train. My daughter was still disturb she was shaking.
I don’t feel pretty today! But I came to realize I didn’t feel pretty all the time in my wigs either.
My head is freezing, and I have to walk someone to the cancer center !! I couldn’t find a hat for my cold head yet… Im freezing :) So today is a blah day for me! BUT I know that Jesus lives and I can face today, tomorrow and a bad “hair day”.
I tried to hurry on the train, but she couldn’t or wouldn’t move. As I looked up , there on the pack train EVERYONE in that one car, even the conductor was staring at my bald head. The conductor looked out his train window with a smirk with a little laugh. Yes, in NYC!!! I was just amazed at how many stares I got. I had a audience! I would have gotten on the train smiling and happy if my daughter budged. I have never been an attention seeker, I avoid certain clothes and styles to avoid certain stares or comments, BUT BEING BALD TOOK ME OUT OF THAT!!!!
I realize that most people think I shave my head or got a “hair cut”. I got to many comments on my “hair cut” yesterday that I wanted to scream “ITS ALOPECIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Autoimmune Condition!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT A HAIR CUT!!! One lady yesterday said, “Oh I like your hair cut!” I responded, “Thank you but it’s not a haircut
Well long story short I didn’t get on the train. I put my scarf on and waited for the next train. My daughter was still disturb she was shaking.
I don’t feel pretty today! But I came to realize I didn’t feel pretty all the time in my wigs either.
My head is freezing, and I have to walk someone to the cancer center !! I couldn’t find a hat for my cold head yet… Im freezing :) So today is a blah day for me! BUT I know that Jesus lives and I can face today, tomorrow and a bad “hair day”.
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Comment by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on September 16, 2010 at 10:44am
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stay brave, you are a wonderful, beautiful woman. Your daughter will realize that staying true to the person you are is most important. Not what others are thinking. And by telling her that staying true to you is not hiding is giving her a great life lesson. Bad days happen but bad days pass and good days return. I wake up every morning and remind myself exactly that. Everyday is a bright new beginning. And try to keep that with me.
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Comment by Sam Sam on September 16, 2010 at 11:16am
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Thank you! I needed that. Bad days happen weather im bald or full of hair. I just dont have the bush to hide behind LOL.
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Comment by Carol on September 16, 2010 at 1:56pm
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I understand your frustration! I have 3 daughters but they are used to me being bald as I've been this way since before they were born. Going to school with them can be a challenge sometimes because kids are cruel and I know MY kids have been teased because of MY head and not just at school. I don't know how any of that makes sense but kids are kids and people in general can be very hurtful. My alopecia has made my kids stronger and they are much better equipped to deal with this nonsense now as I've taught them what to say and do in these circumstances. My 9 year old even shaved her head (a chelsea cut, buzzed but she still has bangs) in support of alopecia awareness month and has loved every moment of the compliments and everyone rubbing her head. She's had a few negative comments but knows how to turn the other cheek. I'm sure your daughter will come around and whatever you do try your best to keep negative thoughts from entering your mind. The fact that you're aware of these thoughts is a great first step! Keep it up! :D
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Thanks Carol! I am glad youand your daughter worked out the shaving her head! You found a middle ground with the bangs. I am sure she looks cute! Please post pictures.
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*UPDATE Today we had a fire drill in my office.(God knows how to make me laugh) Everyone from this 11floor building had to leave and go outside during the drill. So if they didn't know now everyone knows. So i dont have to worry about cutting a corner and seeing someone who hasn't seen me yet (like the first time again) >>> but i am waiting for my director to come... she hasn't seen me yet SMILES, i hope its not tomorrowduring out weekly meeting. Oh well! I am excited again. Just need to right hat! Lord help!
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Comment by Julie Koch on September 16, 2010 at 9:50pm
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Sounds like a tough day. I'm so sorry to hear that. Your daughter is young and she will come to understand just how strong and amazing you are. It will take time but she will be glad you are the way you are when she understands more. Hang in there and you look beautiful and FREE!
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Comment by Cheryl, Co-founder on September 17, 2010 at 12:38am
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Sam Sam, so sorry you are struggling. I know that my struggle to stay true to myself was between God & myself, which made it so much easier. I know you are in a rough place, you are dealing with a young child. I trust that you will find a way to breakthrough this hurdle.
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Cheryl exactly how i feel. My walk with God is personal and I always want to true to myself and him. She is only 6 and the excitement of it all is not so exciting for her. My battle took me years to get to this point. I do understand how rude kids can be. For her I will wear my scarf/hat to her school. She is very happy being outside with me when im bald. Just that one place off limits so I am happy if she is happy. Today is much better. It seems no one understands me when I say "no its not a hair cut. I have alopecia." I just smile and walk away. But I made it through the week!! I thank God!!!!!! I couldn't do it with out him and the love I have here in Alopecia World! Thanks !!!!
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Amiee - You are right. It wasn't nice of me to take it off, it was just me thinking of how i didn't want to go back. when I saw how bad she took it I realize i am really not in it alone. She too would have to face the stares and the questions, that alone takes alot of energy.
I did find a hat tucked away, nice and cozy! Love it. I have learned not to look at people when i take it off, because their shock is and stares will go away after a few seconds.
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Juile - I am hanging in there Thanks!. My daughter really does love me. She will go anywhere with me bald. I made the mistake of pouring over into her life without really talking to her about. even though we had talks about it before, and she always said she likes me better bald, even when i wore a wig to go to the store, she would cry please just take it off. :) I love her. we will make it!
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