When my boyfriend and I started dating, he nicknamed me ‘Blondie’ and told me he loved my hair.
Three months into the relationship, I discovered my first bald patch. It didn’t even occur to me not to tell him - I rang him in a panic, blurting that my hair was falling out.
He knows more than anyone how important hair can be - he adores his wild mop of curls and spends a small fortune on products. After listening to me freaking out, he gave me a hug and accompanied me to the doctor.

I feel silly for thinking it now, but a part of me had feared he’d dump me on the spot! He didn’t. In fact, I couldn’t have asked for him to have reacted better.

Things calmed down for a while. Then my alopecia got worse.

I told my boyfriend, but I didn’t show him. I told him in floods of tears that I was terrified of going bald. He told me to have faith, and that everything would be fine.

My alopecia continued to worsen. And I continued to hide it. Again, my boyfriend told me everything would be fine. He still calls me ‘Blondie’.

He’s been so supportive, but I can’t help but worry. He’s been so kind, but is he telling me to have faith for me, or for himself? Is he in denial about my hair loss? When he says everything will be fine, does he mean it’ll be fine because I won’t actually go bald?

I might not go bald, but the reality is, I might. And for my own sanity, I needed to come to terms with that, and prepare myself for the change. It’s getting harder to hide the baldness - even with the tight ponytail I now wear every day, if you stand close enough, you can see that the back of my head is just empty scalp, with strands pulled across it.
So I have decided - if/when it gets really bad, or I have big bald patches at the front, I am going to shave my head. The thought of me doing that seems totally unreal, but I know I’ll prefer it to being half-bald and feeling horrendous.

This probably sounds ridiculous, but part of me already feels guilty about my potential baldness. As though, by shedding a part of that first attracted my boyfriend to me in the first place, I am letting him down somehow. I know that is utterly ridiculous. And in my saner, more confident moments, I have told myself, ‘you know he’s not with you just for your hair’. And I realise, it’s not losing my hair that will determine my relationships, but my attitude, and how I let it affect me. Losing my sense of fun, my personality, my positivity… Now that really would be damaging.

But still, the niggle was there.. He wants me to have faith - does that mean he wants me to keep hold of my hair? Would he love ‘Baldie’, as much as ‘Blondie‘?

Last weekend, getting ready to go to a party, he said: ‘Why don’t you wear your hair down, it would look so lovely.’
I replied: ‘I can’t wear it down any more, it falls out too much and I don’t like it.’

Before the party, we go for a burger. I decide it’s time to tell him.

Me: ‘There’s something I need to tell you.’
Him: ‘Yeah?’
Me: ‘It’s about my hair. It’s getting much worse.’
Him: ‘It’s going to be fine, baby.’
Me: ‘You keep saying that and I know you’re being nice, but it worries me, what do you mean? If by fine, you mean I’m not going to go bald, then I need you to realise that I might go bald.’
Him: Silence. Wide eyes.
Me: ‘I hope it doesn’t happen but it’s heading that way. And, I’ve started to think about what will happen if it does get worse, so that I can prepare myself for dealing with it…’
Few seconds pause.
Me: ‘If it gets really bad, I’m going to shave my head. But I’m ok, I’m not going to be upset about it any more. I just need to know if you’re ok about it, so I’m telling you now, to give you a chance to prepare too.’
Him: ‘Prepare?’
Me: ‘Yes. So it doesn’t come as such a shock. (then I start panic babbling) But don’t worry, I will save up for a wig, and I might not be bald forever, and -’
Him: Grabs my shoulders and looks me straight in the eyes. ‘Baby, I have thought about it. I know that’s what could happen, and I am prepared. If it happens, you won’t be dealing with it alone, we’ll be dealing with it together. And if you want a wig, we will pay for it together.
‘I have thought about it a lot. I don’t always talk about it because I don’t know whether you want to be constantly reminded of it, but I want you to know that if you want to talk about it, you can. And I hope you realise I think you’re beautiful, and nothing is going to change that.’

We hug. I smile. Then we go to the party and have a great time.