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People who give advice and won't let it go annoy me
Why is it when others give advice about so-called treatments ie special diet/acupuncture/holistic/chinese herbs etc and I don't immediately say hey that's a great idea I'll try that today, they get that look or tone that says you poor closed minded woman you aren't open to any help so it's your own fault if your hair doesn't grow back! I've had this conversation so many times it's getting old. These days I just nod politely and move on. However, some people don't know when to back off. Even when I've said I've tried this and that, that what I have is an auto immune disease and doesn't respond to strengthening my immune system they persist. Since having polymyalgia rhuematica which is another auto immune disease I get the same advice. I'd like a short simple answer to stop them in their tracks but haven't found it yet.
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Comment by Tallgirl on April 29, 2011 at 9:39pm
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Pre-print some alopecia info cards or "SHUT UP ALREADY!" cards to hand out quietly, then just walk away smiling! Next time, when you walk a wide circle around him/her or cross the street, the reason will be clear!
I have a friend who pushed her own alternative-diet cancer treatments, blood-type diet books,
and Dr. Ph_ _ TV shows/books/philosophies. She ruined every conversation with this stuff, so much so that I couldn't even eat with her happily. We no longer talk.
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Comment by carol on April 29, 2011 at 10:15pm
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I love when someone will say "have you ever thought about wearing a wig",,,(,Oh you don't even want to know what I would like to say too many 4 letter words).,I always say politely really you don't think anyone has ever suggested that to a bald women come on your smarter than that,,If they don't let it go I say you wear one for a week and than ask me again .
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Or, ask her to buy a human hair one at $3000 if she is so concerned about "repairing" adult human beings, and then donate it to a wig-wearer on AW!
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Comment by Amber on April 29, 2011 at 10:26pm
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Oh I hate it when people say the "have you thought about wearing a wig"....I've recently started asking it back lol, "Have your tried wearing one?" Then give the spill that I find them very uncomfortable.
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Comment by liselle on April 29, 2011 at 10:42pm
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oh Pat, I can so relate. To the point where I have even told my mom, can we NEVER discuss it again, as it already has ruined our relationship. It is like a white elephant in the room now.
Last week she suggested I try the Laser. Of course I said "no, it won't help".
well..... here was the emailed reply.
"No I won't discuss your hair with you anymore as it is pointless as you seem to have convinced yourself in your mind that you have hair loss ".
convinced myself???!!!!! oh f$#!.
It honestly took me ALL morning to calm down.
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We could borrow a current famous guy's expression and change it to, "Duh...LOSING!"
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Comment by BTB (John) on April 30, 2011 at 3:15am
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Well put Hun it annoys the hell out of me and I am just standing by listening to people giving you there ground breaking earth shattering cures for a condition that has baffled modern medicine. Science can't find a cure but these people have the cure right there in the kitchenrs cupboard, and can't wait to share it with you not matter how crackpot, ridiculous and totally ludicrous the idea of mixing cow crap, chi tea, fairy dust, cats urine, and just a little chocolate sounds to you to them it's perfectly sane and reasonable and it works. To all Alopecians on this site you guys have to put up with enough side stream hassles without "though well-meaning" still unwelcome offers of miracle cures. Well put sweety again I am left in awe of the way you can sum up the life you live as an Alopecian, I am honored to be your partner. Love you xoxoxxo
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Comment by R0BB on April 30, 2011 at 6:53am
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Hi Pat -
At this point - theres no easier way to say it than ......
- Peace
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Comment by Norm on April 30, 2011 at 7:10am
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What is it with people, hey.... they all think they can give advice on how to handle well-meaning people who try to give advice. :)
Thing is, It kinda goes with the territory. It's human nature to want to "fix" people, and if you're perceived as "needing to be fixed", they'll often jump right in without thinking. So, exhausting as it can be, sometimes we have to do the thinking for them, accept that they're doing it for the right reasons (whether that's to help you or feel good about themselves) and politely say thanks, but no thanks. I suppose it's when they won't let it go, and constantly bang on about it every time you meet, that it gets annoying.
Humour sometimes works - some years ago there was a story in the press here about a bald farmer. Apparently when he was bending down to put feed in a container, one of his cows would lick the top of his bald head, and after a while he started growing hair. So anyway, one of the girls at the place where I worked at the time, who was always asking why I didn't do this or that, picked up on this and asked me why I didn't get a cow to lick my head. So I bent down and said, "Go on, then".... it probably helped that it was done in front of 15 people. :)
Anyway, Pat, if you simply want the one-size-fits-all, "short, simple answer to stop them in their tracks" you can always just say "Eff Off"... so long as you never want to speak to them again :)
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Ohhhhhh, so THAT"S how people get a cowlick!
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