So what's next?

Went to my recent specialist appt and was told I am very healthy and that my blood tests (now required monthly due to Plaquenil) came back perfect. I am in perfect health.
So why do I not feel healthy and perfect?

I know am not alone, there are many (of you) like me and I have the greatest husband and best friend in the world.
So why do I feel like I am in this alone?

I am so inspired by all of you as you shave your hair and face the world in your beautiful wigs with your head held high.
So why do I feel like I can't possibly be you?

Like some of you I forget that I am losing all my hair sometimes. But I am snapped back out of it when I see the mirror or notice people's eyes dart up to my scalp while we talk. But for those few happy moments, I feel normal.

I should be happy that I am so healthy, that I am not suffering from any side effects of all my treatments aside from a lumpy scalp. I know I am more than lucky to have the greatest husband and friends in the world. In the end, these are the things that keep me smiling, loving and happy. Guess its really not that bad after all. That's probably why the specialist said, "wow, you are taking it all so well!"

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Comment by Alliegator on June 15, 2012 at 3:58pm

I get you! Before I shaved my head, I would look in the mirror and feel like I looked sick. I was perfectly healthy, but my hair loss made me feel like I look sick. I was feeling normal this morning. Then I was in a store, and a woman with three kids walked by me. I noticed two of them kept staring at me. I stood there and told myself that there is nothing wrong with me. Moments like that are difficult, but I like to think that next time maybe those two kids won't stare because it won't be new to them if they see another bald woman. You will get through it. Hair loss is a journey. Try to remember all those good things you mentioned

Comment by Amanda on June 15, 2012 at 10:55pm
Alligator, thanks so much for the kind words and advice!
Comment by Steph on June 19, 2012 at 10:04am

Sometimes it is so difficult, we get so caught up in what others think. Here's what I know and its my mantra I repeat to myself. "I am not sick, I am not dying". Whenever it starts to get to me I remind myself that I am not looking at not seeing my kids grow up, I am not sick. I may feel depressed and down at times. Then I make myself rant off the positives of AU. I can get ready in 10 minutes, shower and all. I haven't shaved in 9 months. My arm pits are as slick as a babes butt :). I don't have to get waxed. I hated my hair before, now i can have the long thick hair I always wanted. I don't have the stress of fixing my hair every morning.....I know it sounds like rambling but its what I do in my head every time I start to get down.

I am healthy, fit and active. As long as I know I am okay thats all that matters to me

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