Comment by Jeanne on May 19, 2009 at 12:07am

I have had alopecia areata since i was 7 and could always cover my bald spots. when i turned 30 (2 yrs ago) I lost all my hair within a 3 week period...talk about a rude awakening!!! I have not handled well. I rarely leave the comfort of my house fortunately i'm self employed and work from my home office. I always wear a wig but worry so much about my 9 year old son at some point possibly being teased if his friends find out. He knows i have a hard time w/ being bald and what people think he has on a couple times assured me"its whats on the inside that counts, and if people dont like it its there problem" Im ashamed as a mom im displaying such weakness and that my son is schooling me. i want to teach my son 2 be strong and handle situations that may arise in life...not be like me basically defeated. I am proud that he has that attitude now but i worry as he gets older kids can b so mean. As, for your husband I can believe that what he is afraid of w/ u going out w/o your wig is coming from a protective place. He probably feels like he's gonna wanna kick everyones butt that gives u questionable looks. On the other hand he needs to let u be u however u feel most comfortable. He needs to b your biggest supporter and learn to cope in public. i'm thinkn more n more about going bald after being on this website and reading all these inspiring stories. I feel like it will be empowering. Maybe if u go out bald but do it w/o him and your daughter, test drive your new look and come home feeling great, beautiful and empowered that he will see it in your attitude and realize that its best for u and seeing you so happy he will want to do whats best for you and will want to proudly strut w/ the beautiful, confident woman that you are and he will be proud that your daughter has such a wonderful role model....best of luck

Comment by Anastasia on May 19, 2009 at 3:47am

Wow you are in the exact same place I am. I'm tired of the wigs. I'm tired of the ritual with the wigs. I'm tired of damn near breaking my neck running to grab my wig every time the door bell rings because I was at home kickin it peacefully without my wig on, and someone decided to "stop" by without calling. As far as the "get over it” comments it’s easy for them to say. My relatives say the same thing. They go as far to tell me that black women rarely wear their natural hair anyway so I should feel fine. They don't understand that I'm not having a "bad hair day “I have had 7,300 "no hair days". It sounds like your husband is speaking from a loving place; however a brilliant woman once said a mother who radiates self confidence vaccinates her daughter from low self esteem. I think it is important for your daughter to see you happy and comfortable. Personally I’m tired of putting other people’s comfort before my own.

Comment by Mary on May 19, 2009 at 1:52pm

Going wigless and bald has been a great decision for me...But, I appreciate that it's not for everyone - and, I KNOW how hard it is. I've been there. These snapshots from my first year chart my evolution - I hope this helps someone:

APRIL 2008 - I've been bald for 3 months, and I'm at a crowded theater in San Francisco with friends and family. The musical review is about to start, there's a heat wave, and no air conditioning. People are fanning themselves and sweat is running under my short wig and onto my face. Finally, when I can't stand it any longer, I tear off the wig, throw it on the floor, shout "F#%&!" and start crying convulsively.

AUGUST 2008 I'm at a big graduation ceremony, sunny day, outdoor reception, wearing my wig - dying from the heat and itch of it. After several hours of discomfort, I go off into a corner of the reception area and take off my wig and start crying, so ashamed of how I look. A woman comes up and comforts me.

SEPTEMBER 2008 I attend a large art gallery reception bald - my first time at such an event without a head covering. I'm wearing a slightly dramatic black outfit, big earrings, and more eye makeup than I used to. I walk into the group of people and it's not easy. I put a smile on my face and start mingling. People don't seem to notice anything strange, and I get some nice compliments. It's a warm evening, outdoors, and I'm so comfortable. I feel exotic and so comfortable.

FEBRUARY 2009 I go scuba diving in the Caribbean. I haven't worn a wig in over 4 months, and am free, bald and cool this whole trip (see photos on my page). Everyone at the dive resort is fine with it. I dry off before any of the other divers and don't have to untangle any hair after a dive! I feel beautiful.

APRIL 2009 I stand up in front of my synagogue congregation bald for the first time and give a commentary about baldness and what the Bible says about it (article about this is on my page). I couldn't have done it a year ago, but it feels absolutely right. I get loads of supportive comments and compliments.

I wish I could go back in time and talk to myself - but I can't, so I'm sharing it here. I hope this helps someone.

Mary

Comment by Jackie on May 19, 2009 at 6:27pm

Wow you guys! I didn't expect such a response so quickly. Thank you all so much. Bird and Anastasia, I know what you mean. It is so important for us to be strong, if not for ourselves then definitely for our children. I often wonder what course of action I will take if either of my kids inherits my alopecia gene -- How can I encourage them to let the world love them as they are if I am not giving the world the same opportunity....AU sucks. lol. I've got some thinking to do. It's like Rose Marie said -- time to make some changes.

And Suzy - how right you are...these damned wigs are my ball and chain...i've been incarcerated by this mess long enough! Do you sometimes go without?

FInally, Mary, Mary, Mary....wow...your posting brought happy tears to my eyes. I am counting the minutes until I can be so strong, but....????? so many questions....

Comment by Jackie on May 19, 2009 at 6:58pm

Yeah Susan, I can remember my mom throwing my wig at me whenever the doorbell rang...how scarring. What will we do?

Comment by Leslee on June 10, 2009 at 2:48pm

HI Jackie
The things you have said hit so close to home. I started with alopecia the summer before my senior year in high school , great timing right? It has been so hard to "deal". Some days I do because I know it is something I can't change. But I too have lost many friends because of not wanting to answer the phone or having bad wig days. I have alot of anger that has built up inside me and comes out , and I take it out on my husband/son. I have never talked about my problem with anyone

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