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When to tell a love interest that you have alopecia
When should you tell a person that you're dating, married to, or interested in that you have alopecia? Or, to pose the question quite differently, do such people have a right to know about your condition and, if so, when should you tell them? If for some reason you don't think it's their business, let's also discuss this perspective.
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Alopecia World: You may also want to check out this discussion on the topic.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jennifer on
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I do not even try to to hide my alopecia. I have had people tell to wear a wig to met guys but i think that is just me hiding under it. Wigs are just not me and i do not look like me i them. so why would i want to be self concious and uncomfy just to met a guy blah!!!!!!!!
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Permalink Reply by rj, Co-founder on
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The sooner this information is shared with a love interest, the better, because a relationship founded on lies or any form of deception, however well-intentioned or "loving" we may be, can only languish in jeopardy. Besides, you must be who you are before anyone can truly love you for who you are. As I've told some members of Alopecia World, there's not only somebody for you, but someone truly worthy of you. But you have to give such a person a real chance to know the real you rather than present one thing in terms of your looks or lifestyle and then expect the person to love something else. In other words, deep love demands of each of us appropriate vulnerability -- that you learn to truly entrust your heart -- and full awareness of your alopecia -- to those who indeed should be trustworthy. (Cf. Rebeka's March 8 reply on page 1 of the discussion).
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Permalink Reply by Nathan Paul Prince on
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I had a girlfriend a few years ago who loved the fact that I was so cool it didn't matter I was hairless. It was about two weeks into the fact that we were hanging out all the time that she looked at me and realized I had no eyebrows or eyelashes. I explained to her about ALopecia, about how I accidentally realized I had it (I was in Los Angeles and during a routine check-up a doctor mentioned I was Alopecian, and I had no clue what that meant, even though I no longer had any hair, lol). That was in 1995. Since then I created my ALopecia Boy website, we broke up while in LA, and since then I've pretty much been single.
I know a lot of people are intrigued, but maybe it's this small pulp mill town - I'm cool to hang with, everyone wants to be friends, but it seems like the dating thing here is an issue. ANyways, I'm single, was totally interested in having an Alopecian girlfriend so we could have ALopecian kids and live life Alopecian, but alas... heh heh. Anyways, it's all gooood!!
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Permalink Reply by Erin on
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When I was a teenager I wouldn't always tell dates or people that I met about my AU but I always do now. I tell guys now, if they don't already know fairly quickly, I kinda see it as take me as I am... It's part of me. I also do this with many people I meet in general.. if the topic comes up I don't just bring it up however, quite similar with dating. I would never hide it however. Haha hard when I change my hair color weekly.
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Permalink Reply by Brianne on
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Yeah I always tell anyone I date right away just to not waste my time. If you can't deal with it, then I am sorry, it is who I am! And frankly, I love being me. I have never had a guy bail on me because of my alopecia which makes me very lucky but that should give everyone hope that there are really great guys out there! I am dating my boyfriend of 2 years off and on and he doesn't mind at all. He found out when we were just friends and I decided to announce to everyone in a class we were in together. lol I am very bold. I always wore a wig until recently so it is a lot easier to tell people when they just meet you with no hair!
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as I read more of the posts I feel so terrible that some of your feel so down and bad about it and dating.. you are beautiful!
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Permalink Reply by kimberly dean on
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As I read more of the posts I feel so much better about dating. I feel it's up to me when and if I tell a date about my alopecia. Obviosuly if I feel the relationship has potential that is when I would tell them about this condition.
I don't feel as though not telling dates is hiding something. It's about what you feel comfortable with and when the time is right that is when you should tell people about it. if it doesn't go down well, then the person is not the one for you.
I feel much better about myself since reading comments on this discussion thread. It has given me faith in the humanity of men, confidence in myself. I'll make sure I read this again when I have a date, which is soon I hope!
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Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on
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Hi Kimberly,
The best reason for telling someone early on is that you don't waste YOUR time on someone who doesn't turn out to be worth it. Might as well find out if he can cut the mustard right from the get go. Good Luck on your next date!!
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Permalink Reply by Angie on
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I was 21 when I started to lose my hair.I was also in a relationship at the time.The guy I was with was very encouraging.The realationship ended,for other reasons,and I lost what little bit of self esteem I had.I didn't date for a few years after.When I did start to get out and date again I never told guy's about my AA.I only told one guy and now we are engaged to get married and we had our first child together in June.We dated for about a month before I told him.I knew we were taking things to the next level and I felt that I needed to be honest with him if we were going to try and make this work.He has been a great support through it all and I'm so glad to have met him.
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