Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by sharon on February 22, 2009 at 6:40pm

yeah me and my friend did that last week lol i thiught i was weird doing this , but it was my best friend and i struck some sexy poses and i love the pics and it made me feel so confident xxx

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Permalink Reply by Rachel H. on February 22, 2009 at 8:30pm

It DOES work, although I feel like a complete A%* while doing it! :)

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Permalink Reply by Jane on February 7, 2009 at 4:06pm

It’s one thing to complement someone on their outfit, hair or wig, etc…but, a veiled insult is not a complement and is certainly not an overture of friendship. Anyone who says your hair is too perfect, besides having no manners, is simply being a ‘di**’ – It’s like saying your too smart or your smile is too pretty. Obviously jealousy brings out the worst in some people. You’re a lovely, smart young lady and you handle yourself very well, you don’t have to tolerate inappropriate behavior from anyone.

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Permalink Reply by Ray on February 13, 2009 at 10:24am

I think the main thing to do is bite the bullet and go without a wig more often. It's hard I know but not as hard as you might think.

Revealing your aoplecia is liberating and after you are liberated you will enjoy your life far more. All the things you mention such as girl weekends etc will be booked into your diary without thinking and you will have all the fun that you can handle.

Good luck!!!!

Ray

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Permalink Reply by Frank on February 16, 2009 at 9:36am

Rachel,

It is so annoying. And you can totally see it coming too. I know when it happens with me I can hear the color commentator in my ear giving me the play by play. You know : "....... not yet... not yet.... eyes still looking at my eyes.... hold it... hold it... not yet... nope, there they go!!!"

At first I was so embarrassed and uncomfortable by it. Not just the stare, but was there going to be a comment afterwards. Now I kinda want to be handy with a stopwatch and pull it out and note the amount of time it took out loud but to me and not the other person. Or move my head to keep my face in front of their eyes. Afterall, I really don't think they are completely aware they are doing it nor do I think they realize we see them doing it.

I have found that its just going to happen. Yet one more joy of being with alopecia. But, I have also found that once I get the chance to engage the other person in conversation, that the situation fades. The other person seems to refocus and I can as well. And I take comfort in this because I have seen it 1,000 times (I have met a lot of people).

Frank

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Permalink Reply by Patricia Lyn Rhue on February 16, 2009 at 12:25pm

Rachal, tell you what I did when I was young and it worked. I've been bald for 46 years, you can learn more about me at my site www.iwearawig.com.

When people mention my hair, such as "Wow, love your style, who cut it or what is the color?" I always answer, "Oh I just shake it and put it on, it's a wig." Honesty works, plus you never know who you might help.

Second, remember that healthy hair is shiny. Dull hair, like human hair looks more like a wig. I always just toss my hair with my fingers, because a perfect hairdo is a give away.

The other thing I do if it has too much hair, is have my hairdresser thin it. What she does is keeps the root to give height and body, but it looks great.

If I can help, please don't hesitate. I love meeting new people and what I've found through the years is not mean people, but truly interested people. I can spot a wig a mile away. Matter of fact, playing cards last month a friend ask me how the website was coming along. Another woman at the table asked what the site was. I told her and she said good, I've thought for 5 years the woman sitting at the other table wore a wig. I looked at her and said, "No she doesn't, but I do." She was floored. Which brought up her friend who is suffering from hair loss and I was able to give her some help. You never know who you are going to touch. Be proud, because there may be a little child looking up at you and realizing they can be like you when the grow up.

Stay happy and remember to look up and say "Thank You."

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Permalink Reply by Donna on February 18, 2009 at 6:11pm

Hi Rachael,
I know exactly where you are coming from, after 28yrs of alopecia I have reached a stage in life now where when I meet new people I actually tell them before they have they chance to enquire, I take control of the situation bring it out in the open and put the ball in their court, I almost feel like if I don't tell people it is false advertising on my behalf. I have gone through wearing wigs, bandanas and au natural. It's such a shame that you are missing out through this but it won't always be that way because eventually you will find your way to cope with it and things WILL get easier. I hope this helps.

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Permalink Reply by Dielle on February 21, 2009 at 2:30pm

I always feel eyes on me all of the time mostly because I have tattooed eyebrows and wear a wig. I either ignore rude people or just say thanks because it shuts down the conversation. I have only ever shown my head to my family and close family friends that I trust, mostly because a lot people can be cruel and I am not ready to explain everything to everybody. As for the sleepovers I have a solution. I used to be a "camp counselor" for overnight retreats for children at barns, and I wasn't about to show them all my head so what I did is got a soft headband that was about 2 in. thick and used that to keep my hair on while I slept. I also used to wear a very soft cap over my head so that it would be secure while I slept. It is actually a lot easier to hide than you think because you don't have to take your wig off until you go to use the bathroom which is a private endeavor anyways. I have been to countless sleep-overs wearing my wig and none of my friends that didn't know ever found out that I was wearing a wig. If anybody asks why you are wearing a little fabric cap over you hair just say that it is how you always sleep. What are they going to say? NO Its not!??? They have no clue so you don't have to worry. and since it is winter you could always just say you are cold. Hope this helps! You could always just wear a bandana overtop your hair as well.

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Permalink Reply by sharon on February 22, 2009 at 6:35pm

hi rachel
peeps r so rude and ignorant and insensitive if i get comments i can usually judge if the person is asking inocently or jus being sneaky so it depends on what i answer it could be thank you and yours looks nice 2 or yes i buy my hair from tescos and i use fabric conditioner lol dont isolate your self u have one life and when your old u will regret letting these twats bother u x and as u get older u will relise they can say what they want to u so so can u 2 them . it works both ways baby x this rude ness goes for every thing my son is gay and mixed race and a shoe designer with a style all of his own and he gets it from every where but he has the funn ist answers ever he is quick and fast and makes the rude person look so stupid i learnt from him so start learning girl x once we where in a store and these ladiees where looking at him and laughing and talking bout him in the end he went up and said " whats wrong do i know u " they said oh no we where just saying how nice u look ! and he said ( and these where big ladys ) yes so was i jus saying that 2 my mum about u i was saying how good it is that designers cater for the much bigger lady these days lol so. so thats life any thing thats dif attracts twats think up some cutting answers and get back out there x

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Permalink Reply by Rachel H. on February 22, 2009 at 8:40pm

Thank you EVERYONE who have take the time to replied to this- I didn't think anyone would even read it, let alone reply--- and even RELATE! I feel so fantastic after reading everyone's responses. There is nothing like input from people who have been there, and who ARE there. I am so grateful for the time you took to read this and share your experiences and stories with me! Hugs all around.

XOXO

Rachel

P.S. I am happy to report, I spent the night one of my very best friends house on Friday, and I just wore my bandana! It's a step in the right direction!

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Permalink Reply by Bobby on March 31, 2009 at 8:37pm

It's so much easier to be wild and overly outgoing and have alopeica. It takes a lot of hard work and sometimes professional help to learn how to cope. People cannot affect how you feel until you let them. Wouldn't it be nice to go out one (if not a lifetime) day and no comment nothing anyone says can bring you down or left up without your approval? When I was doing public speaking and got asked all kinds of questions. I had to know how my face looked when I got asked questions. I couldn't very well frown or show that the question affected me deeply. I call it personal training. Start by looking in the mirror and asking questions to yourself and let your face do the expressions it wants. Everyone in the professional world has done this, because you have to master control over yourself. Doctor Phill ( I dont know if I like him) but when someone seemingly starts to prove him wrong he cannot let that show on his face; however, once in awhile you see it happen his face shows the emotion of Ruh oh i might be wrong.
So standing in front of the mirror ask yourself a few questions and see what happens, Hopefully you laugh a couple times and feel silly, but that will fade as you get into asking yourself more common questions that you are called out about. When asking the questions, embrace the charactor of another person asking you the questions, then once the question is answered become yourself again and react.


Fake it until you make it :)

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Permalink Reply by Tenille Gee on March 31, 2009 at 9:10pm

I can`t say that I blame you for being frustrated and insecure. It is a horrible situation that we have all been put into and that is why we are all here, to see if anyone has any other ways that they have learned how to deal with it. My husband and a few select people have seen my bald patches. Mainly family and a few VERY Close friends but no matter how long it has been going on and how many people I show, it never gets any easier, for that matter it doesn`t even get easier to look in the mirror. Like you, 90% of the time I don`t even think about it and I have had the same `looks` from people and all that I can tell you is what I have done. A simple, I have a medical issue that is making me lose my hair. Alopecia is a big word, a lot of people have no idea what it is and I find that if I start out by using the name people go, `holy crap, what`s that` but if I start out with it is a medical condition, all that happens is that I lose my hair and don`t make a big issue with it. I make a point of saying, I am not sick, just losing my hair. I find the less of a deal I make out of it, the less people ask questions and make a big deal out of it themselves. My husband always asks me why I tell people if they are commenting on how good my hair looks. Why not just leave it alone, he says. My response is, the more people know the less self conscious I have to be. It took me a long time to wear my wig out in public, thinking people would know right away but once I started, that is exactly what gave me the confidence to tell people, doing what I was afraid of doing was the one thing that I needed to do. Maybe wearing your bandana or going without your wig is what you need to do to boost your confidence, and if they are as good of friends as you think they are then they are going to be your friends no matter what.

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