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How to come out hiding and wear whatever wig you want to out in public? Help. How did you do it?
an article a co worker gave me about alopecia in the recent parents magazine states " Alopecia is life altering not life threatening" so true but that person who wrote the article probably has no idea what it feels like, I wonder if they have Alopecia????? How has it affected you? Do you go out in different wigs and who cares or do you like myself go out in the same type style so as not to tip people off about the condition? I wish I had the umph in me to go out in whatever wig I chose and just be me. I am a rather postiive, happy , and strong person, but not with this. You think after 4 years I would be ok, but no , I try not to show it, I think do they know? are they feeling sorry for me? Crazy eh, I know but how did you get over that feeling of omg they know, or they can tell. I am self concious about it still, not around close family at home, I will go bald for short times. But never go outside of the house, or even out of the yard with a diff wig, it is the same type style as the old me. Please share how you came out and was just you? I need help on this one.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by alamogirl/ aka Judy on
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OK. I had the same dilemma in January of this year when going "without" was NOT an option for me anymore. So, I took a deep breath and treated it the same as I did when I was diagnosed with Type 1, Adult onset, diabetes. I told the world!!! And I did it with humor as much as possible. You sound like a very together woman, with very positive attitudes. Once you tell, you will feel so free. And you will find funny things to say along the way. And when you are comfortable and confident, so will your friends be. Those who don't know you or are not close to you really do NOT matter here. And just wait until you are all caught in the rain someday, and THEY look like drowned kittens and you "LOOK MAHVELOUS, DAHLING"!!!!!
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Permalink Reply by Kemi on
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As a professional, I wore the same type of wig different variations for several years, oddly enough people actually thought it was my real hair. On March 10th of this year, I got fed up with wearing wigs and started wearing my hair bald. My boss literally screamed when I came to work on Monday. I knew stepping out of my comfort zone would be uncomfortable, but I'm glad I did it. I feel more free and no longer defined by my hair status. Closer family and friends that I trust, I take time to explain the reason for my new hairstyle. As for the other people, I do not bother explaining, instead I just allow them to think whatever. There have been a few times I've tried on wigs since but they do not fit my newly formed sense of confidence and security.
Do what your intuition is telling you, I was in debate for 3 years about wearing my hair bald. I did not realize how heavily I allowed myself to be defined not only by my wig but the opinions and thoughts of others. Embracing my bald patches has been the most selfish and selfless acts of my life. Have faith that your internal beauty will radiantly exude externally regardless of the different hairstyles you choose. Embrace this life altering state, it's a chance to be who you really are and know that you have support here :-)
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Permalink Reply by Denise on
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Thank you both so much for sharing. You know, I have no idea why right now at this time I am struggling. I never swam under water on holidays , was always afraid of the unknown. winds omg......but for some reason I am trying to figure this out. Who I really am. & with input from others who have walked this walk, I will get to where I want to be.... whatever that is. I just want Me to accept me. :) signed working on it. I truly think going to a conference may help, getting to actually meet others with the same will help. So I told huby I am saving and going to the 2014 in San Antonio Texas I think that is where I read it was. I am going. :) I need to go.
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Permalink Reply by Christine on
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I don't think you and I are alone here:) I just got my hairpeice this week, and shaved my head (not much left) and I will be going to work today for the first time in my "new" hair...I'm scared to death. I did tell a lot of people at my work, and would always get the same reaction, why? you don't need to your hair looks fine????? Crazy, when I got my head buzzed I was even surprised at how little hair I actually had. I felt that telling people whom I see everyday was the right thing for me, we will see:) but I'm hoping that it will get better, there is going to be a first time for everyone seeing it, so I'm trying to prepare myself, I hope that I'm not self concious (overly) but I kinda had a bad day on day two of having it, I put it on and thought oh no it looks like a wig, the truth is it is a great hairpiece, but it isn't exactly like my old color or exactly like my old cut, I think it may be better in so many ways, but I think that I just need to get use to it, more than anything, I'm like you in that I feel I'm a happy person, and strong in many ways, I feel like I'm doing my best right now and surpised myself that I have had any doubts, that is human nature tho, and being someone who never leaves the house without makeup, I know that I would never leave the house without my "hair" Do you like your style of wig?? Remember when we had our own bio hair, we would change colors and styles over time, I think that may be a great way for you to look at a change, most people do change their hair some do it often, from you profile pic I see that it is long with bangs, would you like it to be shorter? Noone is going to think you did anything but cut your hair, people get perms who have straigt hair right? than you can go curly if you want too. I tried to come as close to my natural color and style as I could, but it's not a perfect match, so I do know that others will see a difference in me for sure, I hope that you begin to feel better about it, as I want to too. I know others on here who have said that they have many different colors and styles of wigs and just have fun with it...I'm not there yet, but hope someday to be too.
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Christine I hear ya, i actually wear a diff one now than the pic you see I jsut haven't up loaded a new one yet it is styled a little shorter and no bangs . I like it but am eagerly waiting my new lavish HH one. I have one of them and loved it . :)
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Permalink Reply by Michjo57 on
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Christine, how does your hairpeice stay on if you shaved. I'm new at all this stuff and I was told I could not wear a topper because my remaining hair is too thin. I wonder what the difference is between the topper and hairpiece? I do have two wigs, they are both different colors. I figured if I am going to have new hair might as well do something different. I would appreciate any feedback regarding what are the better brands of hairpieces and wigs, etc. Thanks
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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I figure:
They aren't my family or best friends, so it is none of their dang business
They aren't bending over backwards to invite me out for coffee, so why should I care about their thoughts?
He isn't my man anyway, so I don't care what he thinks
I am a liberal, an artist, and from East European stock, so I can wear a babushka if I want (and I consider myself a gypsy in spirit!), or go exotic/flamboyant with headgear
I deserve whatever it takes to cheer myself up and make me challenge the world.
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Permalink Reply by Maryanne on
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Hi, Denise
I'm Maryanne. I have AU and I just starting telling people at work that I have Alopecia in the past month. I've had it for over 20 years. It took me this long while to come more to terms with it and to better accept myself. Life's a journey and Alopecia's a trip! Telling people who are not very close friends or family was a big step for me and I'm so happy I did it. People say that it's freeing to do so and I agree! No one has run off screaming, no one has stopped being my friend. I've received acceptance and love and support. I told them as part of my healing that I do everyday with this and I recently got a much shorter and different looking wig. I like it and I started getting all these compliments about it. That's when I took those opportunities to tell people about me, the real me, the me that I keep hidden for fear of I don't know...being abandoned? It makes people aware of Alopecia who don't know what it is, I feel good about educating people about it and it helps with my own acceptance and comfortability living my life. I think this has come with age.
For me it only worked when I was ready to do so. Good luck. Let's keep in touch. I rarely check in on this site, though. It seems I do so when I need to feel good! :) So thank you!
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Yes thank you. your words are good. I am slowly getting there, one person at a time.
I will use your words of "Life is a journey, Alopecia is a trip" I love it along with my other favorite "Alopecia is not life threatening, Alopceia is Life altering" . Yes keep in touch. :)
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Hi, When you get it figured out I would like to know. I have hardly any hair on top (it looks terrible) and still can't make myself get my wig on and go out around the people I am familiar with and see quite a bit. I feel differently about my close friends, I can wear a wig around them. When I go on a trip out of town or out of state it's easier to wear a wig. I think I waited way to long to make the transition. If I had done it when I first start losing my hair, the change wouldn't be as noticable. It's sad to feel this way. I know how you feel and I wish we could just change with no problem. People don't realize how devastating it is unless it happens to them. That's true with many situations. I wish you all the luck with your transition Denise.
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