Alopecia World
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I feel like wigs are dominating my life
The title says a lot, but let me elaborate.
First, wigs are an extra bill. I spend so much getting custom wigs that I'm not even happy in, and have to buy a new one about every month because they start looking more unnatural than a wig should after that time.
Every single person on this site wants their hair back if they lost it, myself included. I get emotional when I'm putting my wigs on or taking them off, and some days I have to fight back tears seeing my bald scalp and my "hair" on a plastic head. I'm so paranoid as well about the wig falling off, and would never want anyone to see me without it and my eyebrows/fake lashes. Even on a site like this, one with many people in the same boat as me, I won't post pictures of myself without my wig on. I never take them, because I'm afraid someone might stumble into them and, in a few years, I want to remember me with my wigs on that look somewhat like my old hair than the bald woman I hate being in reality.
I've had to limit myself a lot in what I do. I don't go in the water at the beach anymore, and if I go at all I put a hat on and just read while I sweat under my thick brown wig and resist the temptation to itch at sand that gets under the front. Wind is a nightmare-- I've actually had nightmares about a strong gust of wind taking my wig with it, and my hand is always on the front of my wig whenever it starts. My wig doesn't have lace on the back, and I don't want someone to see something that suggests that the wig on top of my head isn't my actual hair. I rarely play with my son anymore, because I'm afraid he'll tug at the wig and he's never seen me bald.
The self-consciousness is killing me. After every period at the school I teach I go to the woman's room with my makeup in my purse to redo my eyebrows and the makeup around the wig.
I just want my hair back.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Ann Wilson on
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I haven't found the courage to walk around without my wig, especially since getting older, but I love your attitude and what you've written about it.
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Permalink Reply by Qohelet on
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You can do it! I wore wigs for 24 years. When my son developed Alopecia as well, he couldn't wear a wig to cover his bald spots and I realized I had passed my obsession over covering my head on to him. So I took the plunge and have never looked back! Just walk out with your head high, shoulders back and a smile of freedom on your face! Strut your stuff like you are the universe's gift to the world and others will follow your cue!
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Love it but I haven't found the courage to do it.
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Permalink Reply by carol on
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I understand how you feel and I am also very self-conscious around certain groups of friend. One thing that I have learned after having alopecia for about three and a half years is the people who love me really dont care. They want me to be happy and most of all comfortable-especially in hot weather as wigs are so hot. It seems like the wigs that are hand tied look more natural in the wind. Sometimes when it is windy I found that a sun protective hat which has a tie under the chin also is helpful. I think it is so sad that you are not playing with your son as much. I hope you will be able to show him your real head and not feel the need to cover up. I was afraid to show my daughter and grandson when they came to visit. It was very hard and I was so stressed but once I did it they were fine and now are great supporters of me and alopecia. I hope that this is helpful to you. Although alopecia is difficult life is too short to let this control our happiness. Hope you will start being able to do more with your son
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I have been dealing with extensive hair loss for over 30 years. It is a very personal choice, but i agree that hair loss does rob women of a lot of freedom, plus it's a huge expense, human or synthetic. People can be understanding. But let's face it, women look much better with hair. As a single woman in the dating scene, it's not easy. It's difficult enough to find a decent man and the issue of no hair makes it that much worse. Swimming, exercising, sex, traveling ETC, are all complicated by no hair. I have financial issues which makes it difficult to buy human hair. I am determined to get a quality human hair wig, for a reasonable price. But the prospect of dealing with the expenses, the inconveniences, and restrictions, is very real. Don't delude yourself. Each of us has to deal with the situation in a way that makes us comfortable. But to tell women to go natural (and not feel bad) is a load of you know what. Maybe i am vain, but we live in a society where appearance is crucial. I dream of having a natural head of hair and being able to not worry about the elements, the heat, the BS etc. Hair is beautiful and we all need it!
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Yes to everything you say. I feel exactly the same and worry about exactly the same things. Yes we would all prefer to have our bio hair back.
In my case, it has helped me a lot to be open and admit to others that I am losing / have lost my bio hair and that I wear wigs. It's not like I "advertise" it or talk about it with EVERY person I see because people DO NOT actually care and I understand people DO NOT spend their time talking about my head. My looks are not a priority to others, just to me. And that's totally fine.
When I'm having a really bad day, I think of all the good things I have, I think about my son being healthy and that I can still feel pretty or at least put together with the same things that everyone else can : a shower, fresh clothes, nice make-up (yes so make-up makes me feel better, it is also okay).
You are very brave and I loved that you explained this to your class.
You are not alone and you are doing great.
You CAN enjoy everything you used to enjoy with bio hair, you will :)
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I can definitely sympathize with how you feel. I've been wearing wigs due to AU for over 20 years. There are times and places where it is very uncomfortable, for example outside in the hot weather. You just want to rip it off! I have come to terms with my situation for the most part. It has helped me to become less vain for example. People can accept me as I am. If they don't, it's not my problem. I'm doing the best I can. I have found a wig that stays on pretty well and is easy to care for. Sometimes I feel fortunate that I don't have to cut and curl my hair. even wash it and don't have to buy a lot of different hair products. I love not spending money at the hairdressers and coming out displeased with the way they cut or curled it. I buy a wig or wigs about every 6 months, washing them during that time. It isn't always easy to get the color I want, but the last time I had to switch wigs for that reason, I found a better one in the process. I guess I'm just thankful I haven't lost an arm or leg, my sight, or anything significant like that. one of my friends is dealing with terrible psoriasis right now. I think this problem has caused me to be more accepting of my, and other people's, various problems. One rather humorous aspect of the problem is when women ask me who my hairdresser is. I usually tell them I just do it myself but I do share my story with some.
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Permalink Reply by Maura on
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I know how you feel. I have a room full of wigs. Very expensive, but I am not one who feels comfortable walking around with no hair.
Maybe you would feel free if you told people about your hair loss. At work, most people know that I wear wigs. At first, they looked stunned, but then, they got used to it so that it's normal. I found that when they didn't know, I couldn't change wigs for fear that they would find out. Now, I am not afraid of them finding out because they already know. Most people were supportive. There were only two occasions that pissed me off where one person who didn't know I wore wigs were trying to figure it out by touching my hair and the other made a remark "I won't be able to get used to you now". That was when I changed my hair. We have all kinds of negative experiences in life. They happen, we get angry, then we move on.
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Permalink Reply by Lucy on
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Hi Kirsten I have just read your post and thought this could've been something that I would have written myself. I have good days bad days sometimes I can look in the mirror and think well I'm still me, I'm not dying I'm still the same person inside. But other times I get so low and weepy because I weep for the old me,I grieve for the loss of my beautiful long hair which cannot be replaced by the wigs that I now have to wear. It has been over 1 year since I lost all my hair. I was off work for 7 months trying to come to terms with it and as I work with the public it was doubly hard trying to pluck up courage to wear a wig and face colleagues or customers and go back to work. My confidence and self esteem have took a battering and I too had nightmares about wearing a wig in the wind. I now wear hats with the wigs when it's raining or windy and it seems to work. I have a 15month old granddaughter who will never remember me with hair and now when I put the wig on she pulls it off or if I have it off and it's lying on the table she will go over and bring it to me. I got my eyebrows tattooed which was easier than pencilling them in every 5mins as for the eyelashes I haven't mastered the false eyelashes yet but am a wizard with the gel eyeliner which gives the impression of eyelashes. Please don't ever feel alone I'm here if you feel like a chat anytime feel free to message me . Take care Kirsten hopefully it will get better for both of us in the new year xx
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Consider getting wig tape or wig glue adhesive to secure it. I only use them in days it's really windy. I don't bother with custom wigs. I have had AU since I was 8. I am now 26. I've only started wearing wigs my senior year of high school. Otherwise that's just about it.
Short wigs are easier to manage than long wigs. Personally I love long hair but I've been told I look great in a short bob too. Short wigs don't get tangled at the back (where the neck is), especially when wearing a collar shirt or a jacket.
Your son has never seen you without a wig?
As for eyebrow makeup I use gel eyeliner to draw and blend out. Use powder over it if you want a smoother and softer look if you want.
I am personally at a point I don't mention my AU (not because I'm afraid to but why should I?). Although I have told some friends. The ones who've met me after I started wearing a wig. Although I don't show them unless I am totally comfortable around them. I also don't wear my wig around the house either my head needs to breathe!
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I know your pain. My hair fell out for the first time 3 years ago. It has fallen out 3 times since then. I'm wearing a wig for a year then get hope my hair is growing back, then it falls out again. One of the first wigs I ever had to wear was on my wedding day!! It was very difficult. After being so angry that I had alopecia.
After greiving, I decided life is either going to happen "for me" or "to me". So I stood up. I told myself I was beautiful. I decided that I need to redefine my definition of beauty. I looked I inside. Beauty is a acts of kindness, giving of my heart and NOT being consumed with my insecurity making it impossible for me to truly be there for anyone else. With that definition of beauty. Nothing can strip me of it expect me. . . Now I'm much happier. I practice this by not taking myself so seriously. And forcing myself to show up and be there for others regardless of how I feel. Anytime I start to feel sorry for myself I do something for someone else. It takes away my problems. It works! It really does. Hang in there, you'll get there, to acceptance.
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Permalink Reply by Dorothy on
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I am sorry you are going thru what I went thru nearly 44 years ago, well except the baby part. My hair started coming out within an hour of giving birth to my oldest and I cried into her blankets as she slept after her feedings but that was a long time ago. Do I still worry about the wind blowing my wig off, yes of course I do as my kids and deceased husband have been the only ones in my life who have ever seen me without a wig on. I don't refresh my wigs quite as often as you do but I have my at home (older wig) and my out side the house (newer) wig to keep my wig looking fresher in public. I used to do the fake eyelashes, but stopped that years ago. I do pencil in my brows, tho a more modern person might consider tattoo brows and find a very good person with a very good rep. I do not allow pictures, never have gotten past the point that I do not want pictures around for all time with wigs on my head, or rather NOT my hair. Other than that one quirk, considering when all this started even the doctors would consider me a freak and say so to my face, I think I am handling all this well, and will tell you that if you let yourself, you too will realize you are beautiful and please do not let wigs ruin your future. People around you will accept as much about your wigs as you accept the wigs. I am not saying you will ever love the wigs, but you just have to accept they may be in your future and go from there. I had to tell myself there are those around me who are suffering more and pray for them, for me words to live by. Hugs and prayers.
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