I feel so ashamed

This is what happened: I'm in my first year of university and have met amazing people. However,  one of my best friends of 6 years revealed me her secret and it absolutely shocked me. I never knew it would happen to her. Then I made a new friend at my university and I found out that she had a ruptured brain aneurysm when she was seven and multiple brain surgeries over the past 8 years. She's so positive and always smiles. Just this week, she had a seizure and a group of students at my school helped her. She was so thankful for that act of kindness and grateful for everything in her life.

Here, I only have hair loss (AGA) and a hearing disability with the resultant speech impediment (hence I've faced - and am still - people judging me based on that). I've been depressed over the past 6 years over these little things (hair loss and hearing disability) and yet these girls I've met have gone through so much in their lives and I haven't even heard them complain of it. In fact, I've been wanting for a human hair wig for so long but after finding out about the incident of my friend having a seizure, my desire to get a wig seems insignificant. 

I feel so ashamed for complaining so much and not being grateful for everything in my life. I really don't know how to explain this feeling but I realized that I need to be grateful and that my hair loss seems insignificant compared to what others have gone through in their lives. I hope you understand what I'm trying to explain as I'm at a loss of words at the moment. 

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Permalink Reply by Coco on January 28, 2014 at 12:11pm

Hi Lilac ~ I'm AGA, too.  Been dealing with it since my early 20's (I'll be 46 soon); and interestingly enough, I also have a hearing disability.  Are we related?  :)  

Tough days happen.. and I wouldn't feel ashamed.  We all are dealing with different issues in our lives - some are so minor; and some are really major - but we are alive, we just are lacking hair.  I completely understand how it can affect self-esteem... and like MJ Wrick, I should buy stock in Toppik... but I like to look inside, I'm a good person, my hair (or lack thereof; or my new wig) does not define me.  I try to have a sense of humor about it ~  I joke about it with my family and close friends; but I do have days where I cry - and I let myself, whether I'm with a friend, a family member, my fiance or alone.  However, I do try to share how I'm feeling, like you are doing here, and that helps a lot.  Know you are not alone....     

Permalink Reply by Lilac on January 28, 2014 at 5:23pm

I just asked the owner of a very popular wig shop in my local area about how much a custom-made wig would cost, and it's $3000-$4000. Hell I cannot afford that. 

Permalink Reply by Coco on January 28, 2014 at 10:49pm

My wig is a fringe (or a topper) - it clips into my remaining hair; and only cost $550 (it's real hair, too).  The place I went to is the only wig shop in my area, and had many, many options.  Is there a reason you need a custom made wig?  My topper blends in pretty well, and I've only had it for a few weeks.  One of my closest friends didn't even realize it was a wig until I told her... I think you should look for other options - they are out there. 

Permalink Reply by Lilac on January 29, 2014 at 12:38am

The reason is because I want to start something completely new...like a new fresh life. I was actually thinking of purchasing a topper but decided against it because I hate my old hair. So I want something new. 

I'm really thinking of getting synthetic wigs due to low costs but human hair wigs seem to be so natural. That's why I'm having a hard time deciding human hair vs. synthetic wigs....natural looks. 

Permalink Reply by Tiff on February 6, 2014 at 7:04am
There are tutorials on YouTube on how to make a wig. You can also buy a wig and have it styled and cut the way you want it. Also have you tried wearing the slouchy crochet beanies since you have hair in the front. I buy my wigs online and although it is hit or miss, I have never paid over 50 dollars. I have also sewn tracks unto a cap to make my own wigs.
Permalink Reply by Lilac on February 6, 2014 at 9:09am

I honestly don't know how to make a wig, even with the help of tutorials on Youtube. I do wear beanies or hats quite often, though so I can hide my thinness or scalp. It's been horrible so far (dealing with alopecia). 

Permalink Reply by Penepat10 on June 9, 2016 at 10:20pm

I've found customs in Kansas City for around 700. Keep checking around. 

Permalink Reply by Tovah on January 28, 2014 at 7:57pm

You can always find someone that has it worse than you.

 

However, you are allowed to feel what you feel. Losing your hair is a loss and you are entitled to your emotions.

 

I have Reflex Synpathetic Dystrophy and everytime I go to the neurologist I feel like I shouldn't be taking up someone else's time who needs it more.

 

I told this to my neurologist and he said I had as much right as anyone else to be there.

 

The fact is that losing your hair is a really difficult time. It affects your perception of yourself. It is not a MINOR thing. However, we cannot let it claim our life. Live your life well and completely, Things got so much easier for  me when I just gave into it rather than spending so much time thinking everyone is looking at my scalp,

 

Don't be ashamed at all!

Permalink Reply by Soisy on January 29, 2014 at 9:05am

Very good advice Tovah. you have really made me look at my condition in a new light.

 

Permalink Reply by Ulli on February 5, 2014 at 3:08pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSR4xuU07sc

We all have our closets, our problems and who is to decide which issue "weighs" more??? This video helped me a lot when I was in a situation like yours, Lilac!

I know how you feel! I often thought and sometimes still think the same, especially when I see ppl in public who have it way worse than I do. Ppl in a wheelchair, ppl who just lost someone, ppl with cancer, AIDS, mental illnesses and other health issues... the list is endless but at the end of the day it doesn't matter because we all have our problems. Some you can see very obviously like our AA and others are "invisible" at first sight.
What matters though is how WE deal with our own problems. Do we accept them? Embrace them even? Do we hide them away?

Do we "cope" and stop complaining because other ppl have it worse?
You have every right to be upset or complain just like everyone else and who is to decide whose problems are insignificant? Stop being so hard on yourself and do what is best for you!

Greetz,

Ulli

Permalink Reply by Stella on February 6, 2014 at 11:45am

I so appreciated this video as she is very talented in her delivery and the content was great and broad-reaching!  Thanks again!!

Permalink Reply by Solange De Santis on June 10, 2016 at 11:25am

This is one of the most insidious things about alopecia areata-totalis-universalis. I call it the disease that doesn't kill you, just your self-esteem. We are relatively healthy yet deeply affected by this.

You have a right to your feelings! Hair loss is the loss of a body part. If you lost a hand, would someone say, "hey it could be worse, you could have lost both."No. 

You have a right to grieve, but you are also beautiful just the way you are.

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