A Bald Woman's Journey Back to Love

Cheryl Carvery with and without hairI was camping one day in 1991 when a friend asked, “Why do you shave the back of your head and around your ears?”

I had no idea what my friend was talking about. So I found a mirror, looked closely at my head of long, thick hair, and was shocked to discover that large bald spots were developing on the sides and in the back of my head.

Confused and afraid, I consulted a doctor who told me that I was experiencing patchy hair loss (alopecia areata) due to stress.

At that time, my three-year marriage was falling apart and our home was in foreclosure.

Therefore, the doctor’s diagnosis at least gave me hope that my hair would grow back once my life was no longer stressful.

However, my hair continued falling out regardless of what I did to reduce the amount of stress in my life.

More and more clumps appeared in my brush with every stroke, and I didn’t even feel a pull; my hair simply separated and fell from my head.

My hair loss ordeal took its greatest emotional toll when I began to believe that my husband at the time, a bodybuilder, would never again find me attractive.

Indeed, the last thing I felt was sexy. I couldn’t believe at all that he could love me, or that I’d ever find someone else to love me, for what I had become.

Some time after the divorce, I not only accepted the fact that I would probably spend the rest of my life with alopecia, but also that I would probably spend it alone.

I was so convinced of this that it took me nearly two decades of soul-searching and deconstructing society’s standards of beauty for me to reach the conclusion that I am bald and beautiful as well as attractive to men worth my time.

I came to this realization about three years ago and started dating again. Today, I’m engaged to richard jones (rj), who also helped me launch Alopecia World.

At age 43, I am genuinely happy being hairless. I’m also told that I’m an inspiration to female hair loss sufferers around the world, especially due to the popularity of Alopecia World.

I didn’t date for 13 years, but never would I recommend that other women do the same.

Rather, I encourage them to love themselves unconditionally and question “the beauty myth” unrelentingly in order to liberate themselves to truly love and be loved.

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Comment by Gena King on December 15, 2008 at 12:12am
your the best..you have helped me to believe that there is love after hairloss...
Comment by Val on December 14, 2008 at 11:34am
Cheryl,
Thank you for sharing your inspirational story!
You have helped me through this journey and are an inspiration.
Val (c:
Comment by kastababy on December 14, 2008 at 9:05am
Cheryl, you are an inspiration to me, and I cannot even find the words to tell you how much being a part of the AW community has meant to me, not only for my own healing and journey to total acceptance with AA, but also for being the catalyst that has forced my family and friends to see me in a totally different light, one that recognizes that not only am I YoKasta, but I am YoKasta, an alopecian -- and that AA is very much a part of our lives, whether we want to face that reality or not.

Thank you so much for this blog post -- this was something I definitely needed to read this morning!
Comment by Pat on December 13, 2008 at 9:21pm
Cheryl, I can't imagine losing a relationship at the same time as losing my hair...you have emerged a stronger person than I could ever hope to be. Thank you for sharing your story with us and I wish you peace and contentment in the new year.
Comment by LeslieAnn Butler on December 13, 2008 at 2:58pm
Thanks for sharing your story, Cheryl. A lot of women don't feel attractive anymore because of their hair loss. All of us who have gone through it and come out feeling better than ever need to make our presence known, and that there is a giant light at the end of the tunnel.
By the way, the stress itself isn't a cause of hairloss, but it can be a trigger. Hormone changes can be another trigger.
Comment by Brenda Kelly on December 13, 2008 at 11:33am
Hello everyone!
When I read your story, the process of losing/shedding one's hair sounds so much like the many stories (including mine) I've read who are experiencing hair loss. But when it comes to dealing with Alopecia and relationships, that may be the hardest to deal with. You have proven that it's a process of acceptance not only with others, but for yourself first. Thank you for developing this forum for everyone to express themselves and talk to others about the experiences and tips they can pass on to others. What a brilliant idea!
Comment by Lyndsey on December 13, 2008 at 9:56am
You are truly a strong, beautiful woman. I'm glad you've once again found happiness... not only within yourself but with RJ aslo. You've done a wonderful thing by starting Alopecia World. It's helped many of us my comfort with others like ourselves. Thanks Cheryl and a Merry Christmas to you and RJ!
Comment by Joan Gundersen on December 13, 2008 at 8:35am
beautiful story. I still cover up with wigs and hats....but one of these days,(after 4 years of being a bald woman) will liberate myself and just go as i am....
Comment by Janet on December 13, 2008 at 7:29am
Cheryl, thank you for your story, your insight, and your support.
Comment by Diane on December 13, 2008 at 7:29am
Excellent post Cheryl! Thanks for sharing your story and putting a time line... Acceptance takes time, doesn't it?
Merci de partager avec nous tous une partie de ton inspirante histoire!... et aussi d'y mettre le temps que ça t'as pris pour t'accepter.... Après 6.5 ans AU, c'est de moins en moins difficile de me regarder dans le miroire mais je n'en suis pas encore à me trouver belle...

Diane :-)

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