A Bald Woman's Journey Back to Love

Cheryl Carvery with and without hairI was camping one day in 1991 when a friend asked, “Why do you shave the back of your head and around your ears?”

I had no idea what my friend was talking about. So I found a mirror, looked closely at my head of long, thick hair, and was shocked to discover that large bald spots were developing on the sides and in the back of my head.

Confused and afraid, I consulted a doctor who told me that I was experiencing patchy hair loss (alopecia areata) due to stress.

At that time, my three-year marriage was falling apart and our home was in foreclosure.

Therefore, the doctor’s diagnosis at least gave me hope that my hair would grow back once my life was no longer stressful.

However, my hair continued falling out regardless of what I did to reduce the amount of stress in my life.

More and more clumps appeared in my brush with every stroke, and I didn’t even feel a pull; my hair simply separated and fell from my head.

My hair loss ordeal took its greatest emotional toll when I began to believe that my husband at the time, a bodybuilder, would never again find me attractive.

Indeed, the last thing I felt was sexy. I couldn’t believe at all that he could love me, or that I’d ever find someone else to love me, for what I had become.

Some time after the divorce, I not only accepted the fact that I would probably spend the rest of my life with alopecia, but also that I would probably spend it alone.

I was so convinced of this that it took me nearly two decades of soul-searching and deconstructing society’s standards of beauty for me to reach the conclusion that I am bald and beautiful as well as attractive to men worth my time.

I came to this realization about three years ago and started dating again. Today, I’m engaged to richard jones (rj), who also helped me launch Alopecia World.

At age 43, I am genuinely happy being hairless. I’m also told that I’m an inspiration to female hair loss sufferers around the world, especially due to the popularity of Alopecia World.

I didn’t date for 13 years, but never would I recommend that other women do the same.

Rather, I encourage them to love themselves unconditionally and question “the beauty myth” unrelentingly in order to liberate themselves to truly love and be loved.

Views: 133

Comment by kastababy on December 14, 2008 at 9:05am
Cheryl, you are an inspiration to me, and I cannot even find the words to tell you how much being a part of the AW community has meant to me, not only for my own healing and journey to total acceptance with AA, but also for being the catalyst that has forced my family and friends to see me in a totally different light, one that recognizes that not only am I YoKasta, but I am YoKasta, an alopecian -- and that AA is very much a part of our lives, whether we want to face that reality or not.

Thank you so much for this blog post -- this was something I definitely needed to read this morning!
Comment by Val on December 14, 2008 at 11:34am
Cheryl,
Thank you for sharing your inspirational story!
You have helped me through this journey and are an inspiration.
Val (c:
Comment by Gena King on December 15, 2008 at 12:12am
your the best..you have helped me to believe that there is love after hairloss...
Comment by Mari on December 15, 2008 at 9:35am
Thanks so much Cheryl! We are all blessed that you have the courage you do, we wouldn't be here without you
Comment by Ms. Erin on December 15, 2008 at 12:30pm
Thank you for sharing your story. I always felt that it would be hard for me to find love because of my alopecia. I'm not very open about having it and am very self conscious because of it. This is very inspirational to me. Thank you so much for all you have done and continue to do!!
Comment by Tony on December 16, 2008 at 11:56am
Cheryl, words can not express how happy I am for both you and rj. You have both given so much, to all of us that I will be forever grateful. Nice to see that good deeds do come back around.
Comment by Diahna Lynn Studio on December 16, 2008 at 2:02pm
You and your RJ are an amazing couple. You are such an inspiration. Keep doing big things. I love it.
Comment by peggy on December 17, 2008 at 12:58pm
Your story is beautiful. I'm not surprised given it was written by an even more beautiful woman. You are strong and inspirational.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Happy Holidays......
Comment by Kristine on December 18, 2008 at 4:53pm
God Bless you Cheryl ! Thank you for launching this site with your awesome husband. I appreciate you so much for this. I too found an amazing man in my life who loves my shaved head. It truly is just hair. There's so much more to each and every one of us. Raise your glass Cheryl. This toast is to you. Cheers...
Comment by Susan Bathey on December 28, 2008 at 4:36am
Hi Cheryl,

Thanks for your website, I will look to it for inspiration for me and my son, as we battle this disease. We are praying for remission again, some hair regrowth, as he heads to college next fall.

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