Occasionally I receive an email from someone saying that they wished they had my strength to handle alopecia -- as if I woke up one day without my hair and was immediately ok with it. As most members here would attest, that is hardly ever the case. Where I am today is probably where many of you will be tomorrow.

I wrote the following in response to one such email and thought that other members that are new to alopecia or struggling may benefit from it too:

You would be surprised at just how similar we are. I was 26 when I lost my hair and divorced shortly after being diagnosed. I also spent years struggling with alopecia. Feeling insecure, unlovable, and as if losing my hair was not only the worst thing that has ever happened to me, I was convinced that I would not be able to recover from this setback.

I was not an automatic "strong" woman. I didn't have confidence, lose my hair, and my confidence just remained. I was in the same position as you. I lost the hair and the confidence. Moreover, it didn't take long for me to realize that I didn't have "real" confidence in the first place.

In other words, I found myself in a position that I had to go and find it. I can honestly say that I have more confidence now that I’ve struggled through alopecia. Nevertheless, I still have my struggles: I still worry about things like my weight, my skin, and realize that at nearly 50 things are going to start changing.

So my suggestion to you isn’t to necessarily give up on getting your hair back, but cultivate your self-confidence in a way that doesn't depend upon your hair growth. Taking a few chances and challenge some of the things that you believe. I did this and slowly realized that not all my self-talk were true. I realized I could be bald and feminine, bald and beautiful to those that matter, and bald and in a loving and deeply meaningful relationship (three things that I really thought were impossible when I first started my journey with alopecia).

Again, I’m not different from you, just a few years ahead of you. Many others have found what I have found, and I truly believe you can too -- especially since I can tell that you are looking for your answer.

My husband teaches character education to prison inmates, so he has been doing a lot of studying and I have been doing some of reading along with him. I particularly noticed this quote from the book "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl, who was a war prisoner in Auschwitz:

‎"...everything can be taken from a [woman] but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

Find your own way.

You can!

And you won't regret it.