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Extremely self-conscious about my wig
Hi all, so glad to have found this forum. :)
This is my first post, so I want to give a little background info on myself. My name is Laura, I'm 23 years old and have been dealing with supposed androgenetic alopecia since I was 11 years old (when I hit puberty). My hair has continued to thin since then and for the past 4-5 months I've been wearing a wig. Buying a wig was a really, REALLY difficult decision for me. I was practically bald when I bought my wig - it had gotten to the point where the only way to conceal my scalp was with nearly half a bottle of Toppik. When I put my hair in a pony tail was/is probably half the size of my pinky finger. It was extremely embarrassing, but I found the concept of suddenly wearing a wig to be just as embarrassing.
I cried multiple times during wig consultations before I finally stopping moping around and bought my first. It's a nice Estetica human hair wig, but I've been having some major issues... most likely because I'm still sort of in denial and know nothing about wigs. I hate the fact that everyone I know clearly is aware that I wear a wig. I really want a new wig but am worried about the sudden change in wigs... I really don't want a single person to comment on it.
I am in a relationship and he was with me when I was practically bald, and he's with me now that I wear a wig. It makes me uncomfortable that he never comments on it so I don't really feel comfortable taking it off in front of him... not sure why. I'm still so new to this whole wig thing. I just wish I knew ONE other person that wore a wig...
ANYWAYS, I bought my wig at an awful, overpriced wig shop. The lady put 3 clips in, clipped them in to my nearly nonexistent hair, and sent me on my way. If I place my hand on my scalp it slips every which way. My hair seems too thin for the clips to really grab it. This is okay if I'm not moving... but seriously... I'm constantly worried about it falling off. That would be an absolute nightmare for me. I also hate the thought of never swimming again. I can't wear my hair up at the gym because when I put it up, it pulls and makes the wig slip back off my scalp. It's MISERABLE. Oh, and lets not even talk about how it holds up in the bedroom...
I just want to be normal. I just want to go to an amusement park and not worry about my wig flying off. I want to go swimming without looking bald or covered in some sort of hair net. I want to go to the gym and be able to put my hair up. I feel like I'm CONSTANTLY readjusting/pulling up my wig.
Can anyone offer me some advice on helping my wig stay put? I don't use wig caps because when I've used them in the past, they slip off just as easily if not moreso than just a wig. If my wig would stay put, I feel like my confidence would skyrocket.
Thanks so much for reading!! :)
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Georgia Kay Jarman on
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Hi Laura,
I understand everything that you are saying. I felt horrified about wearing a wig. And horrified about having no hair. I am much much older than you and wish I would have started wearing a wig sooner. I have a form of alopecia. I had very little hair on top and felt I was balding like a man. I got tired of all the restraints I faced having to deal with hair loss. At first I wore the wig around strangers to see reactions if any..from people...and to get use to it. The world didn't come crashing down. Then around acquaintences and of course family. The key thing is this. We don't owe people explanations. Buy a wig that you love, not like but love. It makes a huge difference in how you feel. If it is too thick which many are; find a beautician that specializes in thinning them. I have a synthetic wig that which is very easy to take care of. You just have to get use to it and it's care. Get tips from a place that specializes in wigs. I have a synthetic wig. I think their easier although I've never had a human hair wig. It can't be styled with curling iron , it is a set style. Human hair wigs you can curl and cut. If you are really worried about swimming....get on the computer and watch Peggy Knight Solutions. Watch the video of the Gripper wigs They are extremely expensive but are wonderful. And her agents travel to different cities and have schedules to meet your needs. You can swim in those for sure. I think if I were to swim I would just take my wig off and enjoy the water. I never knew I would say this but I have worn a wig for 2 years now and it is a blessing. I don't worry about the wind, the rain, the snow, how I sleep so I don't mess my hair up, getting all dressed up and looking wonderful and then the disaster of my hair! sound familiar? All the problems you have faced I'm sure. I got my wig through the Eva Gabor catalog. Always get two the same color and style so you can trade off if you have to for some reason. The style I got was retired so I worry sometimes about not having another one. I am trying to find one the same color. and then again people change hair color all the time. Your boyfriend is not saying anything because he simply doesn't know what to say. I'm sure he loves you. Bring up the subject to him; explain your feelings. You will feel a lot more comfortable talking out in the open about it. But again once you find the right wig it will help. Anytime I felt I wanted to say something around someone who I felt knew of my change...... I simply said, You haven't seen me since my new hairstyle. Those were people I saw most often. Most people who you don't know that well are so busy they don't really think about you they are so busy in their own worlds. Yes, I have days when I wish I had my own head of hair; but that isn't reality. So we have to find the best solutions. I know I was so depressed I wouldn't go out for days. I've been out everyday since I got my wig. I get compliments on my wig all the time. many people really don't know it's a wig. I hope I have helped you in some way. You can always send me a private message on facebook or email. gkaytj@gmail.com You will see my picture & wig on facebook. Georgia Jarman My best to you. write anytime. also order wig liners from Eva Gabor catalog or others -- they help a lot. Get on the list and you will receive catalogs. You can also order colors swatches from catalog. Good luck with everything.
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Georgia you ve given wonderful advise and I also been there. At 50 I was once again bald ,I went to a holiday party with my new wig on for the first time . As I got a giant man hug I could feel my wig kinda crunch against him and I wanted to run for the hills . At that moment I decided. this is not me I can't hide any more no more will AU make me feel aweful! I went home a shaved off what was left and never put a wig on again! I wish I had done it at your age! I meet the most wonderful compasSionate peo
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Thank you Linda,
One thing about this support site is that everyone understands!!!!!!! There is no one that has a head of hair that knows what we have gone thru or are going through. Or the emotional pain we have suffered. They just don't get it. I gave up trying to explain when people would say, oh just put the wig on and forget it. or you are still you..... or when you would want to take a walk and couldn't because once your hair got messed up from the wind there was no fixing it. No one can ever understand the stress like we can. Or if you want to go some place special the next day......; you got your hair done and that you had to lay still all night in order to keep your hair in place or there was no fixing it. or you couldn't exercise because once you got done and were sweating there was no way to redo your hair. and what always got me was I could look wonderful all dressed up for an occasion and there I was with half my hair. No way to comb it and look nice. Then I didn't want to go.
I just want to say thank you to all who are on this site and just know we are here for each other.
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Permalink Reply by Marieca on
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Hi Laura
I have probably experienced all the same fears that you have. I was 25 when I got alopecia. It started out as areata but now it's totalis. So I have tried half wigs, whole wigs, synthetic and human hair wigs. It takes a little trial and error to get the wig that's right for you. I finally settled on lacefront wig styles. It's hot where I live and I didn't want to have to worry about bangs hanging on my forehead like traditional wigs. Also to secure the wigs you have the option to use lace glue or adhesive tape to prevent slippage. I find that those bands in the back of the wig that you can tighten don't work to prevent slippage for me so I use the lace glue.
Since one of your concerns is swimming you may want to look at the Peggy Knight Solutions wigs. They are very pricey but may be worth it for you. Wearing wigs is definitely an adjustment but once you get comfortable with them you'll be fine. I still miss my own hair even though it's been 10 years but I'm no longer uncomfortable. I'll switch up wig styles everyday if I feel like it and dare someone to question me lol. Anyway, I've taken up enough space in your commen section. Please feel free to email me with wig questions or anything @ theperfectgrammar@gmail.com
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Permalink Reply by Sue Helaine on
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Hi Laura,
I feel your emotional pain. I began to lose my hair at 24 after my first child and years later have come to exept my condition.
Here's what I recommend and find best.
I go to a salon that specilizes in hair loss. I wear a human hair replacement system that is clipped or taped. If you don't have enough hair to use clips, then tape is needed. It is also very comfortable to wear. (Most times I'm not aware I have it on. I get alot of nice compliments on my hair too.) My hair is very thin in the back and I have none in the front to clip, so I do both clips and tape, the tape of course in front, clips in back. My salon iswonderful and they really work for me. Wearing hair for years now, I have learned several things through trial and error. Firstly never ever wear a top heavy wig, hair piece or hair system. There are few woman that have naturally full heads of hair. However, beautiful full heads of hair to bring attention to the hair, so whatever hair you wear, keep it managable, natural looking and on the thinner/lighter side. It won't be as cumbersome. I started out with my hair thinking I wanted to full locks, but it just wasn't what was intended for me I guess. THe thinner I went with my hair systems, the more natural and pretty I looked. And the plus side was, no one was staring at my head because my hair was "so full and beautiful," so to speak. I can always notice a wig when they're to full. I recommend you look into hair replacement systems. Also, when wearing hair, I find that highlighted hair works best. The dimension of the highlights takes away the "wiggish" look. I found a wonderful salon here in my State of NJ, but I'm sure salons like this can be found all over now. Do some pricing too. Some were to expensive for me. You need to find a competive salon that offers better pricing. I'd be glad to help you out further with this because I have run the whole gamit since I was 24. I'm now 59...it's been a long road, but I've learned a lot. If you simply need emotional support as well, you can reach out to me at any time. I'd be glad to help.
Sue C. (I've attached a couple of recent pictures of me so you can see my hair. In the group pic with friends I am on the left with the blonder hair).
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Permalink Reply by Ruthie on
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Hi laura. First I want to say how sorry I am that you are going through this. I am pretty new to wigs, but I have found the wi grip to be my life saver. You can purchase from Milano and don't need the clips anymore. I started out with a little hair and have now shaved, but it worked for both. My wig does not move. I exercise, and do everything in it and feel completely secure. Hugs to you.
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Hi....I just started with "pricy" hair systems that are custom made..I recently had a very bad experience with a local salon so be careful who you choose! Ruthie...what is the name of the salon in NJ? I am in NJ quite often...thanks:)
Ellen
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Hi Ellen,
You can reach out to me at njcedars@aol.com and I'd be happy to chat with you further. Sue
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Permalink Reply by Lynda Hykin on
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I have a silicone cap that was custom fit for my head. I never use tape and I can even swim in it without fear of moving or falling off. It was also cut the same as the most recent picture of me. People who didn't know that I was living with Androgenic Alopecia didn't know I was wearing a wig- they just thought my hair looked awesome.
I am the one who is conscious of my wig. I tried to go bald recently, but discovered I was still covering it up with hats and scarfs. I didn't realize how self conscious I truly was...especially among my friends! Around strangers I have no problem being bald.
I have decided to start wearing my wig again because I prefer the wig to hats and scarfs. It's all a matter of time and personal preference.
Glad you joined this site! The people here are AWESOME!!
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Hi Laura, I lost my wig on roller coaster this summer. After dealing with wigs that didn't fit right, I bought a Follea. It is now the only wig I wear. It is very expensive,but so worth it.
I don't work for them, I just wear one.
Easy to take care of, always looks good, you am style it right on your own head
Just like your own hair. The best thing is it stays on your head. No caps, no clips , no tape.
Save your money so you you can buy one. You will not regret it.
If you like you can contact me. Ian my on the site too often but I do check sometimes.
I will gladly answer any questions I can.
Check out Peggy knight.
She is great!
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Permalink Reply by Rita on
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I've worn many types of wigs! I'm 20 and have been completely bald since I was 13. And I put off getting a wig until I was 15 and have been wearing them ever since.
I definitely had the same self-conscious issues with them when I got them. From knowing everyone knew you were wearing one, to having people point it out in public. My best advice is to just go for it. After awhile everyone gets used to it. And if you're really that self-conscious about people mentioning it, talk to them. And regarding the whole boyfriend thing. I'm still super uncomfortable not wearing my wig around guys. It just feels unfeminine and not the cutest thing to do. I've talked to my boyfriend about it and it doesn't phase him.
Now the wigs. I've tried the expensive ones from the wig places, and sometimes still get them. The problem with these is they don't last long if you're wearing them day in and day out. Maybe 4-6 weeks. I used to get lace front but they always looked more fake once you start wearing it and the 'hair' on the wigs falls out. So I always get the normal front with bangs. The bangs make all the difference for people not being able to pick it out in public. It covers up the hairline. As for the human hair, I've tried it once and it was the worst decision. The wig never fit right, had to use tape and glue. Just a complete mess! Now I use Forever Young wigs, they're inexpensive and they get icky quickly, but the price is well worth what you're getting. I also don't recommend getting extremely curly wigs, they always look fake. The ones I get from FY are very realistic and the colors are fantastic. They don't require any glue or tape which is a plus. And it's nice for being able to just take it on and off.
If you have any questions don't hesitate to get ahold of me!
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