Alopecia World
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A Bald Woman's Journey Back to Love
I was camping one day in 1991 when a friend asked, “Why do you shave the back of your head and around your ears?”
I had no idea what my friend was talking about. So I found a mirror, looked closely at my head of long, thick hair, and was shocked to discover that large bald spots were developing on the sides and in the back of my head.
Confused and afraid, I consulted a doctor who told me that I was experiencing patchy hair loss (alopecia areata) due to stress.
At that time, my three-year marriage was falling apart and our home was in foreclosure.
Therefore, the doctor’s diagnosis at least gave me hope that my hair would grow back once my life was no longer stressful.
However, my hair continued falling out regardless of what I did to reduce the amount of stress in my life.
More and more clumps appeared in my brush with every stroke, and I didn’t even feel a pull; my hair simply separated and fell from my head.
My hair loss ordeal took its greatest emotional toll when I began to believe that my husband at the time, a bodybuilder, would never again find me attractive.
Indeed, the last thing I felt was sexy. I couldn’t believe at all that he could love me, or that I’d ever find someone else to love me, for what I had become.
Some time after the divorce, I not only accepted the fact that I would probably spend the rest of my life with alopecia, but also that I would probably spend it alone.
I was so convinced of this that it took me nearly two decades of soul-searching and deconstructing society’s standards of beauty for me to reach the conclusion that I am bald and beautiful as well as attractive to men worth my time.
I came to this realization about three years ago and started dating again. Today, I’m engaged to richard jones (rj), who also helped me launch Alopecia World.
At age 43, I am genuinely happy being hairless. I’m also told that I’m an inspiration to female hair loss sufferers around the world, especially due to the popularity of Alopecia World.
I didn’t date for 13 years, but never would I recommend that other women do the same.
Rather, I encourage them to love themselves unconditionally and question “the beauty myth” unrelentingly in order to liberate themselves to truly love and be loved.
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Comment by Alexandra on December 13, 2008 at 3:47am
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You are such an inspiration, Cheryl. I admire you!
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Comment by NINI on December 13, 2008 at 6:04am
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Cheryl, do you still think that it was stress induced alopecia? I had alopecia areata many years ago in just a few spots but they went away after several months. Now this year in June I started losing my hair all over my entire body and I went to another derm. who told me this was probably alopecia universalis. I had lost all of my hair by September. He began treating me with steroid injections once monthly and it seems to be working. I have regrowth and it is pretty thick. He has told me that he can only give me 6 of these shots so I only have 2 of these left. I also started taking an anti-depressant when all of this started. I have never taken anything in my life but I just stayed to emotional when I lost my hair. I am trying to figure out if maybe me taking the anti-depressant has relieved the stress enough so that my hair will regrow or if the injections are working. The derm told me that they may work while being treated but that once he stops it may all fall out again. I am so sorry to have made this so long but I just wanted your opinion. Thanks.
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Comment by Carla on December 13, 2008 at 6:59am
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Ciao Cheryl, ho letto la tua storia, sei davvero una donna coraggiosa ,da ammirare e dai fiducia alle persone timide e vergognose come me .
Anch'io ho alopecia areata da stress, ma mi vergogno molto , leggerti mi è di molto aiuto psicologicamente.
Anch'io ho paura di non essere più bella ed attraente come prima, ho paura di sentirmi meno donna, di non piacere più.
Ho fatto anche cure dal dermatologo spendendo molti soldi , ma non è servito a niente , i capelli continuano a cadere.
La tua felicità di essere calva , aiuta molto anche me a fare questo passo,a prepararmi a quando dovrò essere calva anch'io, apprezzo il tuo consiglio di diventare calva senza timore e ad amarci lo stesso anche senza capelli .
Sei di grande aiuto! Tu sei una bella donna anche calva, stai bene , hai un bel sorriso e penso un bello spirito, sono felice di averti conosciuta, ora so che non sono sola.
Io sono ancora in una fase di accettazione della caduta dei capelli , ma ti leggo sempre, traduco tutto quello che scrivi, con te vicina, anche se dovrò farmi calva completamente ho meno paura.
Grazie!!...a presto.
Carla.
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Comment by Diane on December 13, 2008 at 7:29am
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Excellent post Cheryl! Thanks for sharing your story and putting a time line... Acceptance takes time, doesn't it?
Merci de partager avec nous tous une partie de ton inspirante histoire!... et aussi d'y mettre le temps que ça t'as pris pour t'accepter.... Après 6.5 ans AU, c'est de moins en moins difficile de me regarder dans le miroire mais je n'en suis pas encore à me trouver belle...
Diane :-)
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Comment by Janet on December 13, 2008 at 7:29am
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Cheryl, thank you for your story, your insight, and your support.
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Comment by Joan Gundersen on December 13, 2008 at 8:35am
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beautiful story. I still cover up with wigs and hats....but one of these days,(after 4 years of being a bald woman) will liberate myself and just go as i am....
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Comment by Lyndsey on December 13, 2008 at 9:56am
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You are truly a strong, beautiful woman. I'm glad you've once again found happiness... not only within yourself but with RJ aslo. You've done a wonderful thing by starting Alopecia World. It's helped many of us my comfort with others like ourselves. Thanks Cheryl and a Merry Christmas to you and RJ!
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Hello everyone!
When I read your story, the process of losing/shedding one's hair sounds so much like the many stories (including mine) I've read who are experiencing hair loss. But when it comes to dealing with Alopecia and relationships, that may be the hardest to deal with. You have proven that it's a process of acceptance not only with others, but for yourself first. Thank you for developing this forum for everyone to express themselves and talk to others about the experiences and tips they can pass on to others. What a brilliant idea!
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Comment by LeslieAnn Butler on December 13, 2008 at 2:58pm
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Thanks for sharing your story, Cheryl. A lot of women don't feel attractive anymore because of their hair loss. All of us who have gone through it and come out feeling better than ever need to make our presence known, and that there is a giant light at the end of the tunnel.
By the way, the stress itself isn't a cause of hairloss, but it can be a trigger. Hormone changes can be another trigger.
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Comment by Pat on December 13, 2008 at 9:21pm
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Cheryl, I can't imagine losing a relationship at the same time as losing my hair...you have emerged a stronger person than I could ever hope to be. Thank you for sharing your story with us and I wish you peace and contentment in the new year.
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